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toasted-leaf · 3 months ago

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My 1st time traveling by myself as an autistic person

Okay, so I'm a 24 y/o late diagnosed autistic woman and I traveled by myself for the 1st time ever.

I had traveled both by plane and by car many times before, but I was always accompanied by my family and never alone, also the last time I traveled was at 17 so it's been A LONG TIME since I've stepped on a airport, made my bags or anything related. It was also my first time planning everything from start to finish rather than just following whatever my parents had planned for the trip.

I went to visit my friend who moved to a different state 6 years ago to celebrate her graduation. We've been friends since we were pre-teens so we're very comfortable around each other, plus she had to become familiar with the city rather quickly since she moved there by herself at such a young age, because of this she knows a lot about the place and it made my time there much easier.

This trip was much more pleasant than I first expected to be. The weeks prior were filled with anxiety, I kept thinking things like "what if I don't like any of the food there?", "what if my friend gets sick of me?", "what if I get lost?", etc. Thankfully my friend knows about my diagnosis and we constantly talk about our struggles, our preferences, our differences and how our brains work, I think us having such a sincere and open friendship was a big factor on making everything work so well.

Even before I started to pack my stuff I already made some research about adaptations that could make my life a bit easier the following days. After I got there, my sweet sweet friend being the champ that she is, also worked very hard in order to make this trip the best I could have while fitting everything to match my needs.

So, if you're autistic and traveling (alone or with someone) for the 1st time like me, here's a few tips that helped me tremendously during my time there:

RESOURCES:

Have an identification card with important information about you in hand in case you get overwhelmed or struggle in any way, so that people around you can help you better. Here in Brazil each state has what we call the "Identification Card for Disabled People", which is a document validated by your local government that you can use for those means or to have easier access to some of your rights, such as priority seats in public transportation (or even cheaper traveling fees), priority in lines and services in general, etc. I have mine attached to my autism lanyard around my neck or in my pocket, depending if I'm alone or with a friend.

In case the place you live doesn't have something similar you can make one yourself to help with communication stuff, mine has the following info: my full name, my ID number (here in Brazil we use ours a lot, it's kinda a "public" info), my blood type, an emergency contact (since I'm pretty verbal myself, don't have a caretaker and don't have any allergies or major health issues - like fainting conditions, etc - I put my own phone number. Plus, I always make sure to have my phone charged at all times and have my family's numbers memorized so in case I need it, I can dial them myself), my CID/ diagnosis, my birth date and address.

For the majority of the trip I only needed to use mine for public transportation stuff but in my flight back home some things happened that made me completely emotionally disregulated. I didn't have my friend around anymore when it happened but was still able to communicate my general needs, however, because I was crying and trying hard to think and talk properly, I was too overwhelmed to spell my last name (the spelling is a bit tricky) for the airport staff when she asked me for a protocol she had to fill, so I showed her my card and it helped a lot with her getting the infos she needed.

Have stim toys, earplugs and communication tools in hand. I didn't really needed to use my earplugs during the trip, but I had a plushie and crochet tools I use for self-regulation and grounding in my bag at all times. I planned on buying a smaller stim toy that could fit in a single hand beforehand but wasn't able to, and since I had left my plushie in my bag under the chair during the flight, I had to wait for the plane to fully take-off in order to grab it safely, which wasn't a fun waiting period since I was already on the verge of a meltdown. So yeah, try to bring more than 1 stim toy and specially ones that have practical sizes.

Since I'm rather able to communicate even when overwhelmed, I don't really use too many communication tools for now. But I know that online you can find tons of communication boards to either print or make your own with basic words and sentences that can be useful, I highly recommend carrying one around if you're slightly prone to have a hard time with verbal communication during stressful times. You can also download similar apps on your phone but I still recommend having a physical copy around just in case.

Maps and basic knowledge of places and/or public transportation. This one helped me SO MUCH. Because my friend still had to go to work some days during the time I was there, she made sure to ALWAYS teach me about important places, the path I could take to get to her home and workplace, how to take the subway, which buses to take if I had to meet her, etc. In the beginning it was a bit too much to memorize, but she took the time to explain it very simply and objectively to me so I could write/ draw all the information I needed in a piece of paper to carry in my pocket or my notes app.

In the last few days I spent there, after I already had a good grasp of how everything worked, I had to tourist by myself while she worked (she also asked her boss if I could stay with her during her working hours in case I didn't felt safe enough exploring the place by myself) so she dropped me in a place near her work with tons of things to do and told me which subway I had to take in order to meet her (and assured me I could call an uber if it felt too much). During that day, Google Maps became my best friend. My friend sent me a list of places nearby I could visit and every time I would leave one place to walk towards the next one, I would open the maps to check which direction I should go (since I have a very poor sense of direction), all of the places were around the same city block so thankfully I didn't have to take many confusing paths or walk too much to get to them.

PLANNING AND SCHEDULING:

Me and my friend made a schedule of everything we wanted to do and during which part of the day weeks in advance. Since she would be working some of the days, we putted her working hours there and researched places nearby that I could hang out in while waiting for her. I stayed there for only 4 full days, so we already knew that we weren't going to have time to do everything we wanted, so, knowing very well that unforeseen events happen, we also made sure to understand that our schedule could change at any moment and wrote down in our chat a list of other stuff we wanted to do in case the opportunity came up, so we could change our plans and do them instead.

Every night and every morning we would check in with each other what our plans for the following day were, check how much time we wanted to spend in each place, where we were going to eat (since I have some food restrictions due to texture, we would also check the menus online before going) and how we would get from one place to the other. It helped me tons on not feeling anxious, to have some knowledge about the place and its sorroundings if anything happened and to organize / better prepare my brain when changing between activities.

Even though I was there to tourist and do something different everyday, a thing that helped us both feel less stressed (my friend is neurotypical, but being both in vacation mode and working mode in the same week while planning stuff a very tiring task too) is to have some sort of routine we could rely on. For example, we would wake up earlier than needed and have a proper breakfast before leaving the house (my friend doesn't usually eats breakfast but this time it helped her prepare for the day), we would always have 3 meals a day and an estimated time to arrive home (the time estimated was pretty flexible, but it helped a lot with feeling less tired after, since she had to work in the morning the following day and the subway/ buses don't work fully during nighttime).

Since I also tend to have low sugar/ low blood pressure, one thing I do even when I'm at my own state is to carry some snack and a bottle of water in my bag if I'm going to spend an extended period of time away from home in case I feel weak or sick. I kept the same habit there for precaution, we had to walk A LOT between places so, even if I struggled with identifying if I was hungry, getting weak or too tired, it helped me not pushing myself too much and to always have an "energy booster" in between meals.

Airports are hell. For neurotypical people but specially for neurodivergent people. Honestly it was the part that made me the most anxious throughout this entire trip. One thing I did was to write down every step I had to take while I was there: first check-in (I did it online both times, so it wasn't really needed), then send-off my lugagge, then check which gate my flight was at, then go through the metal detector, then walk to my designated gate, have my documents and flight code in hand for the staff to see, stand in line when they call my group, go inside the plane, organize my bags; then, on the way back: get off the place, pick up my lugagge, walk to the exit gate where I would meet someone (either my parents of my friend) already waiting for me.

When leaving, my parents took me to the airport and helped me getting into the places I needed and when coming back, I asked my friend to do the same, so I always had someone helping me localize myself in amidst of the chaos until the last minute. Still, on my flight back I almost had a meltdown because my crochet hooks where confiscated and, because of my shock (since I had no problem with them on my 1st flight) and sadness for losing them, I ended up forgetting my watch in the metal detector section and had to comeback after already having left it behind in order to retrieve it. It didn't help that each airport was so different from each other and therefore, I was very confused on where I should go. Having talked to friends prior to embarking on how each airport was like helped me make through this stressful time.

Those are some of the things I realized helped me feel less stressed, not have any meltdowns/ shutdowns and feel more energized so I could enjoy my trip more. Since everyone is different and needs different types of support, you might need different things, but I hope this list has helped in any way to explore some of the options and adaptations you can have around. Also, I cannot stress this enough, but PLEASE research or talk to people about the place you're going in order to know about how safe it is and to take the necessary care. The place I went was generally safer than the place I currently live in (lots of people, less chance of getting mugged, people using their phones outside without much worry) but I was still aware at all times since I could be perceived as "more vulnerable" and could easily ignore some warning signs of my sorroundings.

Last but not least, a shout out to my dear friend Vivi who made sure I would have all of my needs met and blessed me with her lovely presence <3

#neurodivergence #autism #being autistic #neurodivergent #travel #traveling tips #mental health #travelling #not me posting after an entire year

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servin-up-surveys · 6 months ago

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survey #209

Are you genuinely a fan of Starbucks or do you think it’s all hype? Well when it comes to Starbucks, it's only fair to point out that I don't like coffee, so. I've tried a few of their treats, and I wasn't crazy about anything.

Are you a fan of garlic bread? brother eating garlic bread is SEXUAL to me do you understand

Do you own any personalized clothing? What’s the reason for getting it? No.

Have you bothered to think of the future lately? I do all the time.

Is there something you are always interested in? My longest-lasting and most intense infatuation has been meerkats since the day I first watched Meerkat Manor.

What did you last hear that made your jaw drop? My younger sister got engaged.

Will you be attending any concerts in the next month? No, but I'm thrilled Rammstein's European tour has finally started so I can live vicariously through Tumblr mutuals lmao, gif all that shit guys

What have you been worried about lately? A lot. My A1C ventured back into pre-diabetic territory, so I've been watching that, it's so hot that I've been putting off exercising (past ~week I've done well though), I'm going through major medication changes with a psychiatrist I don't plan on returning to because she is NOT for me, other stuff.

Do you know how to swim? Yeah.

Do you think you could go a week without sugar? God no, not willingly.

Are you a fast or slow reader? I think I read at a moderate pace.

Where, in your current country, would you like to live, other than where you do now? The mountains of NC.

Do you like snow? I fucking love snow. We don't get it often here.

Have you ever seen anyone famous in the street? No.

What was the last thing to upset you? I couldn't find a song Girt played in the car that I liked on YouTube, I was typing in the lyrics I could remember but I couldn't find it and I was bummed lol, I need to just ask him.

What was the first tattoo you got or what would be the first tattoo you’ll get? It's a semicolon butterfly.

What is your favourite kind of fruit cobbler? I suppose peach. I haven't tried too many kinds. I think just peach and blueberry.

Is there a basement in your house? If so, what is it used for? No.

Have you driven a car today? No. I don't drive.

Have you eaten soup this week? No, I don't like soup.

When was the last time you were at a pet store? It's been many months. Mom's just been having Venus' rats delivered here as of late.

What mode of transport did you take to high school? My mom drove me.

Name a personality trait of yours that you like. I'm extremely passionate. What I feel, I feel deep. This isn't always a good thing, but overall, I feel it is.

Name something about your physical attraction that you dislike. I qualify as morbidly obese. I'm excruciatingly self-conscious of my weight and really struggle to lose it. My weight tends to just fluctuate back and forth in like a five-ish-pound range. Following my initial extreme weight gain from a med (Abilify) that slaughtered my metabolism, I managed to lose nearly 100 pounds starting in 2017, but then I gained it all back, and now it just clings to me for dear life and I fucking hate it.

Do you use a planner to keep track of your life? Yes, and even if I don't do a lot (and almost everything I DO do involves doctors of some sort), getting a planner last year had a major benefit to me; appointments stopped creeping up on me, and I just in general felt more aware of what was coming and to prepare for it.

Are your parents good cooks? They're fine, yeah.

Have you ever made an item of clothing? No.

What was the most expensive bill you paid within the last month? I don't have an income so am extremely lucky to live with my mother, who financially takes care of me. It's extremely embarrassing but of course I'm thankful beyond words for her.

What do you get complimented on the most? My hair or tattoos.

Do you believe in soul mates? I don't.

Who are the three most important people in your life? Girt, Mom, and... I'm not sure about #3.

Are you scared of the future? Yup.

What do you think of your best friend’s ex? I don't know his exes. He doesn't really talk about past relationships, because 1.) they're not relevant and 2.) he's extremely private romantically/sexually. I know what I need to know, though.

Why did you go to the doctor the last time you went? I'd irritated the shit out of my right ear trying to get wax out to the point it was in throbbing pain for days, so I had to go to urgent care. As it turned out there was a shitload of wax applying pressure to the eardrum that had to be forced out with water. My ear feels so much better now, I was in agony. Ear pain is no joke. I'm not touching q-tips anymore.

Do you think you could handle a job in the medical field? Why or why not? No, it would depress the shit out of me and also I don't need to know a shitload of health issues 'cuz then I'll worry I have them all lol

Do you prefer to play chess or checkers? Checkers, I don't know chess.

If you had to go an entire week without using any technology, what do you think you would spend most of your time doing instead? Reading is the realistic answer, but I'm sure I would pick up drawing, too. If I was born in a world without technology, I'm convinced I would actually be a talented artist, lol. I'm sure I'd sleep more than I already do, which I hate to admit 'cuz I already sleep a lot in my current mental state.

Do you prefer dark, brown or white chocolate? Milk.

How often do you wear necklaces? Never, basically; I actually like wearing necklaces, but I only have cheap ones that make my skin itchy and green because I'm allergic to silver.

Would you rather wear a bracelet or a necklace? Necklaces, I actually don't like bracelets very much, they always seem in the way if I'm doing stuff with my hands.

What’s your favorite song by Miley Cyrus? "The Climb."

Have you ever had a crush on a kinda-country boy? No, I'm generally very turned off by country folk because they tend to be Trump hat-wearing conservative pricks that think the world revolves around them and their Confederate flag. I live in the south, I have experience here.

Do you care about any of your exes at all? I mean yeah, I care, in the sense that I care they're okay and all. Like any decent person who wasn't abused by an ex or something, then I'd say it's quite reasonable to not give a shit how they are.

Who last slapped your butt? I honestly don't know, I don't think my boyfriend's ever done this, I feel like he'd probably think I'd feel degraded or something.

What kind of cake did you have for your last birthday? Double chocolate.

Have you ever had a panic attack? Yeah, that shit sucks.

Anyone’s birthday coming up soon? Well I learned the other day that Girt's grandma's bday is this month, it's fresh on my mind because we went to see her for Mother's Day + her birthday.

Are your biceps at all noticeable? uh no

When are you moving next? I'm going to assume it's whenever Girt and I are ready to move in together.

Have you ever carried a concealed weapon? No.

Would you rather go to Greece or France? Greece.

What’s your biggest priority right now? My health.

Have you ever rubbed anyone’s feet? NO NO NO NO NO

What would you rather: lethal injection, electric chair, or hanging? I'll take the injection.

Have you taken someone’s virginity? No.

Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? I was telling him bye.

Who was the first person to ever ask you out? I'm going to assume one of two boys who harassed me in pre-k. They would chase me around the playground and grab me, forcing me into hugs and would kiss me. Maybe back then we didn't even know "asking out" was a thing, that's the only reason I'm unsure, but I can tell you I woulda said no, I was very "ew boys!!!!" as a little girl.

What’s one thing your partner must be able to accept about you? I'm mentally ill and you're going to see me deeply depressed and/or anxious as fuck many times throughout our relationship.

If you had a daughter, would you allow sleepovers? ... Yes? I wouldn't allow BOY sleepovers 'til a certain maturity/age for her own sexual safety, but she's allowed to have sleepovers with her girlfriends.

Is there anyone that you text on a regular basis that you do not have saved in your phone? If so, why don’t you have their number saved? No.

What is something you hope you never have to do again? A traumatic breakup.

Have you ever seen a leech in person? Yes, ugh they disgust me

Have you ever joined a mosh pit? No, they scare me.

Does your town’s hospital have a good reputation? No.

Did you ever want a pony for a gift as a kid? I don't think so? At least not seriously.

Do you know who your mom’s favourite singer is? Oh her celebrity crush of all time is James Hetfield of Metallica.

Have you ever tried to surf? No.

Which one of your family members do you wish you could see more often? My dad.

Do you have dimples when you smile? On my left cheek there's a very noticeable one.

Have you ever carved anything into a tree? No.

What was the last physical pain you experienced? Wicked headache.

Do you know anyone who is terminally ill? Going back to Girt's grandmother, her. She has cancer.

What was on the last sandwich you had? Honey ham, American cheese, mustard.

The last person you spoke to, do you know their eye color? Mom's eyes are brown.

Is there anyone you know by the name of Frank? I know a Franky, he's my half-sister's husband. Great guy.

Can you remember the title of the song you last sang aloud? No, I don't really sing.

Are you currently listening to music through earphones? No, I'm watching a let's play.

Have you ever owned a tire swing? No, but as a kid I always wanted one. Even though realistically, I would've been afraid of bugs or spiders being inside of it.

Do you know anyone who can fluently speak more than two languages? No, not to my knowledge.

Have you ever gone in a sauna? No, saunas sound like hell on earth to me.

Out of these colors, which appeals most to you: orange, blue, or green? Orange.

Have you ever been someplace tropical? Florida. If you count that.

You see an ant on the ground, do you squish it? Outside? Absolutely not. If it's in my house, I'm not gonna lie, yes, or I ignore it.

#happy mother's day to the tumblr survey gang moms <3 #survey #surveys #random questions #personal questions #random surveys #questionnaire

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mbti-notes · 7 months ago

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Anon wrote: What can I do in these situations? I realized I feel very fearful, even phobic about the internet now, by seeing how is talked about the way big companies manage private data, the thing of devices being vulnerable to any cyber attack and the way AI is being used to harass people and scam.

I feel… very terrified by all of this, I don't feel at ease even at my own home by living with smart devices. Is there a way I can make this more tolerable? I know we all need technology in our lifes now, but I don't want to feel spied on and vulnerable by it. It feels… very apocalyptic to me, and has made me fall in a pit of existential despair.

Then I started to think about my forgotten accounts, which made me VERY panicked. What if something happened to them and I didn't know? What if they're used for terrible things?

This worry has become so magnified in my mind, that I fear crumbling down when facing daily life things, and then even become bed ridden by the immense anxiety. I was bed ridden through many years by anxiety before so, this has become a huge concern.

I'm INFJ btw. Thank you very much!

-----------------------

Your anxiety sounds serious enough that I would strongly recommend getting professional help for it.

Phobias are considered irrational because they are based on faulty reasoning, distorted beliefs, or circular overthinking. For example:

1) Phobics exaggerate negative possibilities because they treat mere "probability" as near "certainty". This is often a problem of being bad at math or logic.

For example, the odds of dying by drowning are about 1 in 1000. What does that really mean, though? Does it mean that if you go swimming 999 times, you'll certainly die by the 1000th? No. What if you rarely go swimming? What if you are an Olympic-level swimmer? What if you only swim in recreational pools with other people and never alone in the sea? There are so many contextual factors that could affect the odds of drowning that trying to calculate the odds is basically meaningless when it comes to making life decisions.

2) Phobics envision mainly negative possibilities and overlook positive ones. This is a problem of distorted perception that then leads to distorted beliefs.

Let's say you read a statistic that car accidents are one of the leading causes of death. Because of this, you developed a fear of driving and thus always have to rely on others to transport you everywhere. Unfortunately, you don't live in a very walkable city, so this dependence on others causes you to lose a lot. You lose time because you often have to take indirect or slower routes. You lose energy because you always have to plan your outings very carefully. You lose opportunities because you can't always get to every place you need to go on time. You may even lose relationships because of being too dependent on people to come to your rescue when stranded.

If you were to objectively compare what you lose by not driving against what you could gain by being able to drive yourself, being able to drive is the better option. Furthermore, the fact of the matter is that you still need to be in a car on the road, but not driving yourself means that you have far less control over the outcome. Generally speaking, feeling less in control only exacerbates fear.

From these examples, it becomes more obvious why the best way to overcome phobia is to confront it and learn to master it, rather than give in to it. Just as not driving doesn't keep you out of vehicles and off the road, in 2024, there's no way to live life properly without accessing the internet. If you must do something you fear doing, the answer isn't to look for ways to avoid doing it but to learn how to do it to the best of your ability.

E.g. You can learn effective ways to protect your privacy. You can learn how to avoid getting scammed. You can learn how to use social media constructively. You can improve your judgment and be less naive or gullible.

You believe your fear is an indication of a dangerous world out there but, actually, your fear is an indication of your own low self-confidence. People lack self-confidence when they lack the knowledge and skill necessary to meet challenges and solve problems. The world is constantly changing and life will keep throwing challenges at you. The best way to cope is by being a good learner and adapting to change with new knowledge and skills.

Since phobias are irrational, an important aspect of overcoming them is becoming a more rational person, which means it's necessary for you to improve your critical thinking skills. For example, which option is more rational: 1) Avoiding the internet and living in a state of ignorance and anxiety, which basically means your life comes to a standstill? or 2) Learning how to use the internet more wisely, which means you can live your life confidently and fully?

#infj #phobia #fear #anxiety #self confidence #adaptability #mental health #internet #social media #technology #critical thinking #ask

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eldritchsurveys · 5 months ago

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1203.

Do you ever just feel like you need to be alone for some reason? >> I feel like that often. Being around people is exhausting. If you got paid $5 per survey you made, could you make a living just doing that? >> No, because I rarely make surveys. When was the last time you wore something totally inappropriate for the weather? Does this happen often? >> The last time I remember being underdressed for the weather was the night of Aïda, because it was freezing by the time it was over and my little cloak was not enough (I forget what outfit I was wearing underneath but I was cold as hell in it).

The last time you went out of the house, where were you going and what did you do? >> I went to check out the new community garden, then (after some downtime sitting on the stoop and slurping a margarita slushie thing) went to see Furiosa, and stopped at Target on the way home. This was yesterday.

When was the last time someone cancelled plans on you? Were you annoyed? >> The meetup at the Stray was postponed because of an unforeseen hiccup, which was fine with me because I just took the "going out" energy I'd saved up for that and used it to see Furiosa instead.

Do you have a friend that has a tendency to “dump” you whenever they get a new partner? >> Of course not. Would you ever want to go on vacation with just one of your parents? .

In summer, do you prefer to wear dresses or shorts and tops? Or maybe something else? >> I wear both and other things besides.

If you could dye your hair any colour (and have it look good/professional), what colour would you pick? >> I am not interested in dyeing my hair. Has someone ever tried to start an argument with you over Facebook? What happened? >> Way back in the day, yeah. For some reason, I've been in two Facebook back-and-forths regarding the same topic -- why Black people don't appreciate white people wearing their wack ass excuse for dreadlocks. Exhausting.

Have you ever had an unusual type of milk (eg. oat, rice, almond)? >> I've had all of the above and also macadamia nut milk. Milkadamia, is what it's called. Because of course it is.

How many cans of soda would you say you drink in a week, if any at all? >> Zero, I drink fizzy water. When you’re at home, do you spend most of your time in your room? >> I do.

If you like to sleep in late, have your parents ever told you off for doing so? . How much stuff do you take with you when you go on vacation for a week? >> I am a pretty light traveller. One average-sized suitcase and a backpack is the standard for me, provided I don't bring my weighted blanket (which I only bring on trips that involve the car and not some other more complicated form of transportation where I have to do things with my baggage).

How old is your oldest living relative? .

Do you know anyone who is an alcoholic? How has that affected you? >> I currently do not, although I have my suspicions about Sparrow's mother.

Could you willingly live on a vegan diet? >> Health-wise, I assume I could since that's basically how I spent the first 13 years of my life (although I am also aware that bodies change over time and maybe there'd be complications nowadays). I have zero interest in doing it now, though. If you’re a fan of Harry Potter, are you sad that there’ll never be another book or movie? >> I find it difficult to believe that JKR won't run that franchise completely into the ground for as long as she can squeeze money out of its putrefying corpse. At this point, I'd be willing to bet that even many longtime HP fans are over it.

If you’re an only child, do you wish you had siblings? If you have siblings, do you get along? . How long have you had the shirt you’re wearing? >> I don't know, a year, two years.

Are you a slut? >> I sure am. What happened last time you got drunk? >> I have no idea, that was a long ass time ago.

When’s the last time you straightened your hair? .

Your mood? >> Eh. Fine. Did you sleep alone last night? >> I did.

Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow? >> I don't plan how much I sleep.

How many cigarettes have you smoked today? >> Zero. Do you like potato chips? >> I like them with sandwiches. Do you give out second chances way too easily? .

What are you excited for? >> Hmm... nothing, I guess. There's nothing major going on any time soon.

#surveys #survey #random survey

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twistednuns · 1 year ago

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October 2023

A lazy Sunday in bed with Sex Education and cake until Sandra summoned me with a bossy voice note and I joined the others at Oktoberfest. At one point there were several unicorns flying through the sky (in balloon form). Then I went on a little adventure with Sandra, Robert and David. Selfies at the mirror cabinet, crashing into each other with bumping cars, throwing balls into mouths, gifting red roses to each other, attending the flea circus. Man, I love this gang. I told David that he's naturally gorgeous when he inquired about the fate of his full beard and in hindsight I realised... he actually IS really cute. Also way out of my league? Sigh.

Cycling to school for the first time. Any excuse to escape public transport. But I was surprised by how quick the journey felt! I'm planning on taking my bike more often as long as the weather permits.

My first proper Kundalini yoga class! I kept up beautifully and it wasn't even too weird. Afterwards I appeased the teachers anxious, barking dog by giving her a few good scratchies. Oh, and I met a silky smooth and shiny black cat on the way there!

A return request for a lamp I'd bought turned into... a free lamp. They just let me keep it.

Not sure if it's a good thing but at least it was amusing: waking up in such a crazy mood that I constantly made weird noises and commented on what I was doing in strange accents. That's why I'm never bored.

Garlic-filled green olives.

Swimming in the river. In October! I enjoyed the public holiday at Isar with Ben, Taffy and Lu.

A nightly walk through the neighborhood. Picking up a very affectionate cat who purred all the time. Following a toad. Hanging out in the playground.

Finding out about an Alan Rickman movie I really wanna see: Truly, Madly, Deeply.

I picked up a few vegetables from my neighbours' garage and there was a chonky red and white tomcat. We started "talking" and I was CHOSEN. He wrapped himself around my neck and started purring, basically making out with me. Lots of boops!

I had so much energy in Lucie's Yoga class. I sang all the mantras, kept moving, meditating, even performed a headstand! And I learned a trick with the Yoga belt: making a loop and putting it over me leg and head helps me stretch and twist my upper spine!

A weird half-lucid dream about my dying parents in a mansion. Almost like an epic family saga, one of these long novels with too many characters.

Learning from Sophie Passmann's book Pick Me Girls that I was never special. At all. It's funny - and sad - how many things we have in common.

A long video call with Fox. Unboxing the parcel I'd sent him, sharing book recommendations and going through our many lists together.

My date with Christian. Taking the BDSM test on the big leather sofa at Flex together (100% brat?). He noticed we were actually in the kissing corner and made like nobody was watching. We talked about Integral Psychology (I couldn't get Treya Wilber's quote about love at first touch out of my head), my shadow/mum's death and his depression. We went home together. How is this so intense. High on connection.

Madonna's Don't Tell Me playing while walking to the subway one evening, looking up to the stars, feeling gratitude of this fantastic new plane of existence I'm on. I never knew bliss like this. Tell me love isn't true / It's just something that we do / Tell me everything I'm not / But don't ever tell me to stop

The crisp chop chop sound the knife triggered when it dismembered a chunky carrot.

Scalp-brushing.

Hopping around on Hanna's trampoline machine in the physio practice.

Meeting Michael for the first time! I promptly took him to a burner get-together at Tatjana's place and we got along famously. I also enjoyed creating naughty poetry with Ben and hugging Robert for a few moments longer than necessary. I had a great conversation with the British guy whose name I never learned and loved Sandra's soft fur coat - couldn't stop touching it.

Another nightly playground visit.

An unexpected nude selfie with greetings from the Mediterranean from Galya and Nagu.

Milk foam. / Arriving in the kitchen just in time to prevent the milk from boiling over.

Sunday afternoon at Alte Pinakothek with Katharina. I love that woman and I desperately want her to become one of my best friends. We interpreted the art, paid attention to details, textures, colours. Looked at Tilda Swinton's favourite painting (her partner is a childhood friend of K's ex). Then we got some juice and eggplant bread sitting outside a cafe in Schwabing, playing with tiny spiders and chestnuts. Talking about health, sex and love, fashion, all the important things in life.

A brainstorming session with Fox. Getting the zoomies. Interpreting my OSHO stalker card.

Sandra sending me cute photos of me and David.

A deliciously ripe mango from the Canary Islands. A clementine giving me Christmas vibes. Cosy and nostalgic mint tea.

London Philharmonic Orchestra - Adagio for Strings Op.11a / immediate calming effect, it makes me feel like I'm walking through a dramatic movie.

Cycling to the cafeteria. Someone had a beautiful grey Sheba cat on their lap on the driver's seat of their car, letting it look out the window. Someone else was blasting Toto's Africa and I sang along. I managed to produce a loud whistling noise with my fingers!

Salted Pistachio nut butter cups.

Gifting myself to a beautiful yellow and purple bouquet of flowers (my favourite colour combination).

My new acid yellow blazer.

Staying super calm and positive during a painful medical procedure.

Taking the liberty to leave work instead of suffering through the whole day when I noticed I had tonsillitis again.

Coming up with a sexy mission for Lena and Max.

555 is associated with change, personal progression, and transformation. "It is a sign from the divine that you are undergoing positive changes in your life."

Cycling to Westpark to meet Vroni. The smell of mulch in the air (reminds me of home).

Feeling energetic, strong, powerful (still can't do a headstand without walking up a wall though).

Manu showed up at choir practice again! And Kathrin wants me to prepare a song to check out my voice for a possible solo.

Dusting the whole apartment. Filing paperwork. I love it when I happen to be in the mood for annoying tasks like that.

An inspired dinner & theatre date with Becky (visiting Raphael's opening of Animal Farm).

The very spontaneous decision to turn around and go home with Christian in the middle of the night. Touching him felt electric again and his apartment was incredibly gorgeous. I loved waking up surrounded by nature, meeting the chickens and a shy cat. Meditating in the sun. A debate about AI over breakfast. Playing with his son's toys, receiving one of his tiny toothbrushes (pink with stars and a suction cup). Chestnuts. Reading a picture book to him after giving him a massage.

Lush fields of sunflowers in the sunshine. Fall foliage. Butterflies and a vegetable garden outside C.'s house. More chickens outside the wholefood store on my street.

The first persimmons of the season. Biting into a jam-filled gingerbread heart.

A newfound obsession with Jupiter. Its symbol consists of 2+4, my two favourite numbers. Gustav Holst's The Planets suite.

Morning meditation (autumn vibes, windy with lots of crisp leaves flying through the air - cosy). Starting Roger Zelazny's Lord of Light over breakfast (I'm already hooked). Invitations, coincidences, good conversation. Finalising the stamps (following advice about "Doing the thing" I'd received in a newsletter the day before).

A new musical era? I've started listening to more classical music, being naturally drawn to it. I find it to be very uplifting, making life a little more cinematic .

I got dressed up for Avantgardista and felt comfortable and hot in a see-through top with black jeans, cowboy boots and my new Desigual leather jacket. I looked objectively cute! My hair cooperated and I came up with an asymmetrical flitter make-up idea: Multichrome flakes under the right eye, little gemstones under my left eyebrow to accentuate the highest point (stole the idea from Eric in Sex Education).

Spending Saturday evening surrounded by so many burners, old friends and new ones. Finalising my friendship with Robert at Chili's kitchen table. Starting to flirt with each other ("Just to clarify: I do wanna make out with you but I'm afraid of Sandra" - "Yeah, me too!" / he kept following me around a little bit and stayed close. I love how loyal and playful he is).

Tiny kisses from Sandra. Really great fashion and accessories, so many ideas for my own art projects and future Burn outfits. Christian showing up behind me (with Elena - I was a little jealous). Waving to Heike and Stefan from across the catwalk. Chili repeatedly offering to hold my chewing gum for me. Bringing out my dominant streak (the outfit must have done it). Sharing pinsa and a taxi.

Sending a selfie of Katharina and me to her ex (who we both know): "Hey, I stole your ex!" (He was totally fine with it) Damn, we looked extra cute. I loved our connection. What a unique and genuine person!

Playing Spin-the-bottle. Daring tasks. Connecting with Uli. Falling asleep on the big sofa, waking up surrounded by four lovely human beings in a cuddle puddle. Handing out double massages. Breakfast delivery with extra buttery croissants. My head in Christian's lap. Eye contact and kisses from above.

Luna is such a gorgeous, gentle and ethereal human being. She has this soothing voice, is so supportive and drove us all home on Sunday. And do I even need to mention her fantastic new green latex dress? I loved learning about her job in Game Design, bonding over our nerdiness.

Making plans for a mystery dinner together - Indian food, costumes and a murder case.

Christian coming over for dinner. Sitting in my kitchen in a bathrobe. Black candles lit. I love how comfortable he feels in my apartment. Watching scenes from controversial movies in bed, realising we both have quite unusual and eclectic taste. Being reminded of old fantasies and habits. Seeing his face light up when he saw a little video clip his son had sent him, telling him he missed him. His excitement when I told him about Björk's Cornucopia Tour. We made rough plans to go there together. Daring to tell him that I'm kinda into him.

Still, again, always, a little morning request to hear Run Away to Mars by Talk. 3, 2, 1 I miss you.

Now I've even started to find tiny glitter stars on my apartment floor. This one probably came from Christian's facial glitter? It's magic.

Remnants of summer: Yellow dahlias and a bush still full of ripe raspberries in the neighbours' garden. An older couple making out on the subway like teenagers - holding each other's faces, eyegazing.

An insight I had about gender-aware language (that it might actually emphasize inequalities and differences) in a discussion with Raphael.

An easy-breezy lyrics round at Pub Quiz. Slapping Dennis (with his consent). Being reminded of I Don't Want to Miss a Thing by Aerosmith.

I've been listening to so much more music lately: Björk - Venus as a Boy / Billie Bird - La Nuit / Villagers - Courage / Danit - Cuatro Vientos

Beautiful spheric wall art on my daily bike route. A woodpecker crossing my path in flight. The effect I seem to have on women these days. Peculiar.

Forest & Shore Thrive Hair Oil.

Subtle flirting with my colleagues.

A substitute lesson with the 9th-graders. We practiced some Speeddating! I had so much fun with the older kids. I'm a little sad about only teaching years 5+6 at the moment.

My first Joy of Connection event - ecstatic dance turns cuddle puddle. I loved Stefan's music and touches and was surprised and happy that Katharina and David showed up. Lovely vibes, massages, first attempts at contact improv. An Indian girl developed a crush on me.

A cute date with Atabak. He brought me dark sea salt chocolate! I love talking about language, culture and art with him. He's super gentle but intense and calls me cute one.

Meeting Benni and Steffy for dinner at Giorgia. What a great evening. Benni got me to different spheres again and I loved the stories they shared. We took selfies in the mirrored toilet together and made plans to meet again soon!

A very chill and calming breathwork session at Yoga Garden.

Following an impulse to drive to Augsburg for the Kinky Amore Party. Meeting lovely burners. Grounding C. through a trip. Letting him cut my duct tape outfit off me. Walking through the empty streets together in the early morning. Driving back to Munich during sunrise. Holding hands on the gear stick. Kinky bathroom session. Closing the blinds, spending the rest of Saturday in darkness. Talking for hours. Massages. Getting up close to midnight to eat potatoes and cauliflower. Falling asleep again. Cataloguing all my old maps and charts in the morning. My pillow smelled of him.

A long walk through the forest on a sunny Sunday afternoon. I immediately felt calmer upon entering the woods. The smell was enticing. I found hazelnuts, took a lot of gorgeous photos. Then I put on the inline skates I had with me in my backpack and skated back to my bike. I was honestly surprised that it went quite well!

Meeting Max and Lena. Interesting conversation and playtime. She was super cute, I loved touching her.

Biting into a crisp, buttery croissant.

My connection with Fox. Mutual understanding, inspiration, playfulness.

Walking to school in the morning. I Do the Rock on my headphones. A sudden whiff of sugar and cinnamon, reminding me of my grandma and, weirdly, the bakery at Niederbayernschau.

The life is juicy feeling. Delicious moments and experiences. Feeling like I've leveled up, vibrating on a higher frequency. Manifesting what's to come. Love, safety, adventure, creativity, stepping into my power.

Someone in my yoga class told me how fascinating and beautiful she found my hip rotation. She said she wanted to stop her own Asana and marvel at my flexibility.

The moment I realized I wasn't wearing any make-up (and didn't have to wash my face).

Finally finishing the Playspace Bingo.

Fancy shopping at Muji. I got crisps with old French cheese and a huge sandalwood candle.

Meeting David at work. I love him so much.

Visiting Robert's new apartment. Snacks on the balcony. Seeing Sandra together. Kebabs on a park bench. Train and bus and car ride. He's super touchy and cuddly!

The madness that was Hamburn. Chaotic, stressful, vibrant, pulsating. Wow. Here are a few film stills that live in my head rent free: the long drives with my dudes (Frank, Robert and Uli but on the way back Celia came with us) - Robert and I were such a good team; driving, cuddling, massaging and supporting each other, great conversation and DJ-ing / a moment with Uli on the bar floor, almost kissing after dinner, and an honest conversation about his cancer journey; giving him an exciting challenge for his free bingo space, witnessing how much he was into it; and sharing his apple lollipop / talking to Idan (who still intimidates and confuses me) and Alma (I'm not sure how that immediate level of conversational depth came to be but I went along with it) / dancing with Robert to Oops I Did it Again and seeing him match my energy on the actual dancefloor; going absolutely bananas (Fusili!) / roleplaying our way through the admission procedure: drawing numbers, going along with the tasks and challenges, reading a fantastic story about wolverines, filling out a crazy form and putting Robert on a leash - conveniently, I had a washing line in my bag / lying on the lower bunk bed in the Play-Playroom with Robert, Koali and Ole; reading picture books to each other; toys and candy, vibrating walls / witnessing a very strange scene when the hypnosis duo came in with one of their many victims and Undine said that none of that had ever happened... / walking through the forest, alone, in the middle of the night / taking turns drawing a scene with Robert in the Expresso Tipi, getting buffed / a great conversation about self development with Celia and Josef (who are both coaches) in the welfare room; the two woman doctors who came in just to hang out with me, eat snacks and listen to Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield / exchanging long, sensual massages on an actual massage bench with R. / taking a Lindy Hop class, being lead, slowly getting the hang of it (muscle memory), fighting over Robert and then with him, landing on his face (contact improv) / early morning sauna and quick swims in the ice cold lake / receiving hard slap shots from Jo in drag / recording "podcast" episodes about how much we missed Sandra - receiving her hilarious replies / getting dressed up for the 80s party, taking cute photos / going all kitty on Nas, propositioning him to play because he doesn't speak my native language (bingo task) / seeing Marta dance with a crystal ball player - their interaction was magnetic, she kept following the ball with her gaze and movements / walking out of a door, a flock of people at the bottom of the stairs; playing queen, waving to my people - everybody immediately played along //

#october 2023 #2023 #october #present perfect #personal #things i love

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votestaynight2 · 1 year ago

Text

15th Day - limited. (Scene 3)

"…Do what you want. I don't know what your intentions are, but neither one of us likes Zouken." "I see, common ground is important. I do have some relation to that old man."

We start down the hill. We leave the church together without looking at each other.

Dawn has nearly broken when we reach the forest. "Wait here. You may go home if we do not return by the time the date changes." He stops the car on a road near the entrance of the forest. Kotomine arranged for the car.

"So how are you going to help me?" "Hm. Our method of transportation, to start out with." …After that conversation, Kotomine immediately prepared a car and driver. That alone is helpful. It's past three in the morning. Not many taxis would take a suspicious student out to the outskirts right now.

"It is possible that only the boy will return. That is not a good situation. Do not wait for me and go back to town as fast as possible in that case." Kotomine gives orders to the driver. The driver nods silently, then opens the trunk.

"――――Emiya. Take the weapon." "Huh?" He throws a long, thin object at me.

"Whoa. Is this a sword?" It's a slender sword. It's like a rapier. It's a sword made for thrusting, not slashing. But the blade's a bit too thick, and it looks like it'll be hard to use. It's like Assassin's Dark made into a sword.

"This is a weapon?" "Kiritsugu preferred guns, but unfortunately, submachine guns are the only firearms I have right now. Bullets aren't effective against ghosts, and you're not trained to use them in any case. That's better for you, since you're a magic user."

"――――――――" I lightly swing the sword. …It's oddly-balanced. It weighs about a kilo, but the tip is heavy. It's more like an arrow than a sword.

"…Is this a special weapon of the Church? I feel magical energy from it." "It is called a Black Key. It is not magic, but sacrament. It is our exclusive right, used to fight spirits. If you use your magic on that sword, it should be of some use, even against a Servant." That's if I can hit them with it, he adds.

"Make sure you do not get into a situation where you have to use it. ―――Let's go. It's been almost a day since Ilyasviel was kidnapped. The place may be empty already, but we'll think about that after we get there. We should at least be able to find out where Matou Sakura went." The priest, unlike me, goes into the forest empty-handed.

"――――――――" I take a deep breath. I put the sword into the sheath and follow after Kotomine.

I take the lead. I use my memory to head to the castle. …I couldn't reach it the last time I was here. It's because I met Ilya, fleeing from the black shadow, on my way to the castle.

"――――――――" …I check my left arm. I lost my arm at that time. I was almost killed by the shadow, and there wasn't a thing I could do about it. It's the same now. I have no way to match the shadow even if I encounter it, and they also have Saber.

…Once I run into them, it's all over. If I'm to get Ilya back, a surprise attack will be the only way. I'll rescue Ilya without Sakura noticing. Then―――

What should I do after that? What can I do to Sakura? How can I take Sakura back to my house?

"Hold on. Do not tell me you intend to bring Matou Sakura back." "Wha… O-Of course I intend to. I want to save her."

"Don't even try. We cannot match Matou Sakura… no, that shadow. It will swallow us without giving us a chance to talk. You should know that better than me."

"――――――――!" That's… It'll be just like when I confronted her in the yard. But still――――

"Let it go this time. We will have our chance if we can put Ilyasviel under your care. If you wish to speak with Matou Sakura, that can come after we prepare something that can match her." "…………"

A force that can match Sakura, who has an overwhelming amount of magical energy. …If anyone can prepare such a thing, it'll be Tohsaka. I'll have to project the gem sword we were planning to use against Zouken and the black shadow――――

"Damn…! Okay, so I'm supposed to concentrate on saving Ilya for now, right…!?" "Right. Then let's go. We don't have time."

"――――――――" I slap my cheeks to boost my spirits. This isn't the time to be feeling timid. I have to save Ilya. Sakura said she'll kill her. …I won't let her die, and I won't let Sakura do such a thing. All I can do right now is to get Ilya away from Sakura. Then I'll concentrate on that for now――――

I emerge in a familiar place. It's been two hours since I entered the forest. The sun should already be up, but the forest's still covered in morning mist.

"――――…She's here. The curse over this forest is definitely hers." "…?" Kotomine says something strange as we keep running. …The curse over this forest? Can he see such a thing?

"Kotomine. By curse, do you mean you can pick out Sakura's presence?" "It is more like a resonance. ……Well, I do not care. But if we are to fight Matou Sakura, I will retreat. Putting you aside, I cannot harm Black Sakura. I have no chance of winning even if I fight her." "……?" Well, I have no chance of winning either. But…

"Hold on. What do you mean by 'Black'? Sakura's Sakura. She's just possessed by the shadow, and she'll quickly…." "She'll quickly be back to normal? I explained that to you before. The only way to return her to normal is to separate her from the shadow."

"There are two ways to do so. Eliminate the main body of the shadow, or wait until Matou Sakura materializes it. You have no way to defeat the shadow right now. All you can do is protect Sakura's mind until the shadow is born."

"――――――――" But I don't know how to protect her mind. …The Command Spell covering Sakura's body… If that's what Kotomine means by Black Sakura, then isn't Sakura slowly turning into the shadow?

"…Kotomine. When you talk about materializing the shadow, do you mean Sakura turning into it?" "No. I'm sure there is some sympathy, but the main body of the shadow is in the Holy Grail. What is transforming Matou Sakura is inside the Holy Grail, but that is still her shadow. It cannot exist without her. The main body does not have form, so it exists in the material world by being her shadow."

"What's inside the Holy Grail will not come into this world unless there is an incomplete Holy Grail called Matou Sakura. But once it is born, it will be a separate entity. Once it is separated from her, the curse tainting her should stop."

"…Kotomine. You say born, but is that thing inside Sakura?" "Of course not. If it were, the matter would be easily solved. We would simply need to extract it from her body. The main body of the shadow is within the Holy Grail. Matou Sakura is merely a host that gives it energy and form."

"But Sakura's the Holy Grail, right? What does that mean? Are there many Holy Grails?"

"Yes. I explained to you in the beginning. This land has a Holy Grail, and they summon the Holy Grail into the Holy Grail the people prepared. The main Holy Grail―――the magic circle and the brain that governs the rules of the ritual called the Holy Grail War. That is the Holy Grail on this land that Einzbern, Tohsaka, and Makiri prepared."

"――――The Holy Grail in this land――――" All the laws… Summoning the Servants, making the Masters fight, and calling down the Holy Grail. If the Holy Grail War is man-induced, then it's obvious that there's also a man-induced cause.

Then―――if I find that large-scale magic circle and destroy it, I may be able to purge the shadow invading Sakura's body―――

"Do you know where that is, Kotomine?" "I have a guess. Ask Rin if you would like to know the entrance. The Tohsaka family are the supervisors of this land. The Einzbern cooperated with them two hundred years ago to secure a land for the ritual. Rin, the successor, should know where the place is."

"But―――that is all after we save Ilyasviel. If Zouken obtains Ilyasviel, she and Matou Sakura will be disposed of as the Holy Grail. Matou Zouken has no intention of using the main Holy Grail. For him, the two women are enough. Your idea of destroying the main Holy Grail is meaningless."

"D-Don't be stupid! I'm not thinking about such a thing!" "Really? I think it is the most realistic solution for you. It's strange that you wouldn't go through with it."

"―――Shut up. So why didn't you tell me about it? If you'd told me at the beginning, I would…."

"You would have destroyed the magic circle? Nothing would go so smoothly. My goal is the completion of the magic circle, after all. I cannot let you destroy it."

"I told you that we will be enemies after we rescue Ilyasviel. My goal is different from yours. I am interested in what comes from Matou Sakura―――no, what is trying to become her. Unlike Zouken, I have no wish."

"…Don't bullshit me. You're the same as Zouken. You're using Sakura to create something and make it yours."

"Make it mine…? Of course not. I have no interest in it after it is born. In any case, no human will be able to control it. What will appear is a phenomenon called hell. If Matou Sakura becomes that, I will die just like everybody else."

"Wha――――――――" What is that? Then his goal's just…

"―――Are you insane? You want to turn Sakura into such a thing, knowing that you're going to be killed…!?"

"Yes. My role is to bless whatever is born. That will not change, no matter what it is or what situation it is in. There is a life and a will to be born. I cannot oppose that. Emiya. If there is a pure wish in this world, it must be the desire to be born."

"But what's in Sakura is――――" "It is not evil. Humans can earn happiness just by existing. As they grow, they will learn of new happiness, of more advanced and complex pleasures."

"But humans are not happy at the moment of birth. An embryo does not have the knowledge to know what happiness is. Humans start from zero, learn what is fun, and learn what is right. The beginning is at zero. There is no good or evil. There is only the fact that it is allowed to exist in this world."

"――――――――" "Good or evil. The person's knowledge will decide that. If there is any responsibility, it lies with the environment and the 'self' that raised you. There is no crime in receiving birth. That is why I will bless even the birth of a devil."

"―――This is the way I have lived. This way of living is mine. Even if what Matou Sakura gives birth to is hell, it is hard to change my nature."

"――――――――" …I don't understand. I know he's serious. He knows he'll die, but he's still going bless the evil that will be born through Sakura. …I'll never be able to approve of this man. But it's true that he's trying to save Ilya and release Sakura from Zouken's control.

"―――――――!" Thoughts that are in conflict. Lives that cannot coexist. But we have the same goal right now.

"―――I can trust you, right?" "I said we will be cooperating. I will trust you with my back."

A reply without hesitation. …That's all that's there right now. I have an ally that's better than anyone. I'll just think about rescuing Ilya and getting out of this forest safely――――

Interlude 15-1

Ah――――Ah, ah――――ah――――

The space is filled with black fire. The luxurious rooms are burned away by meaningless gasping.

Ah――――Ah, ah――――ah――――

The blazing fire is like a heat haze. The formerly shapeless shadow breaks through every wall and floor in concert with the host's pain.

Ha――――uh, ah―――ahh, ah――――!

The black heat haze dances in tune to the melody. Each time the figure at its center curls up, claws at her throat, and gasps in agony, the old castle's beauty is disfigured further. ―――But this is nothing to grieve over. This desolate winter castle has been forgotten by everyone. Nobody has lived here or seen it, so it makes no difference even if it's destroyed.

"Ah…… Ua… ah… aaahh, ah……"

The hall has turned into the shadow's kingdom. Writhing in agony, the woman in the middle is both its king and its slave. It has already been a day since she arrived at this castle with Ilyasviel.

Matou Sakura's transfiguration is reaching its final stage.

As she's one with the shadow, having a physical form is torture. Her mind is being engulfed by pain and the impulse to destroy. …If that were all, she would be able to bear it. She's used to physical pain.

But―――the pain of having her existence denied is something she has never experienced. The shadow should not exist. This world has no blessings to offer it.

"Uh…… Ah… ah… ah……!"

She tears at her throat. She cannot breathe. The air is poisonous. Matou Sakura is turning into a deep-sea monster, so being on land is like being in a vacuum.

"Ah――――Ahhh, ahhhh……!!!!"

That's why she dances around like mad. Her sanity broken, she takes out her anger on everything she sees. She keeps appealing to the unconcerned world about her pain. About her misfortune and her pain.

"――――Well. It is about time. She remained Matou Sakura for longer than I expected, but she will turn into the vessel with one more push." Two shadows watch the spectacle. An old magus, Matou Zouken, and his Servant, Assassin.

"…One more push? I am tired of hearing those words. The match is over. I am the only Servant you need. Have her take in the remaining two." "I know. But she does not try to kill the Servants she has absorbed. I do not know if it is her shallow wit or cowardice. Saber and Berserker are still trapped within her. She should kill them, but she keeps them alive."

"…Interesting. So Saber is not the only one?" "No. It is probably to keep me in check, but how thoughtless of her. The more Servants she controls, the more magical energy she must draw from the Holy Grail. It is a supply of magical energy the Holy Grail receives from the Great Holy Grail, but magical energy is not the only thing that flows into her. She is accelerating her transfiguration by letting the Servants live. Her sanity will be lost and she will turn into an ideal tool even if I do nothing."

The old magus laughs, watching the girl's suffering. There's affection in his eyes. He loves her. What he originally considered a mere experiment grew beyond his expectation to grant him his dearest wish, immortality.

It would be strange not to love her. To the old magus, Matou Sakura looks like a beautiful bride. No matter how much she fights, she will be his in the end. It doesn't matter even if she obtains power, controls many Servants, and retains her sanity. Their hierarchy was set eleven years ago. The old magus can kill Matou Sakura merely by closing his eyes and opening them again.

"――――――――" …But the white skull is different. He's the symbol of ill omen, the wind that brings death, so he's sensitive to those of his kind.

"―――The magus makes light of the matter, but―――" Will everything turn out well? The situation will not change, even if the girl loses her sanity. She reacts to people with hostility.

In that regard, she's already acting the way she will once her mind is lost. Matou Zouken is conceited. Even if she goes mad, she will not obey his command.

"……Magus. There is a way to control her, yes? Her defensive instincts are excessive. Your voice will not reach her if she loses her sanity and can no longer tell ally from enemy. If that happens, you cannot approach merely by hiding your hostility. She is the kind that will eliminate her enemies by foreseeing the 'result' called her death."

"Oh, I see, that is promising. That makes it even better as the container." The old magus laughs.

"――――――――" Falling silent, the masked figure stares at the crumbling hall. …He cannot approve of the magus's plan. He says his goal is immortality, but his method seems distorted. No, he's a rotting human from the start. It's natural that he's crazy, but the old man's procedure seems inconsistent――――

"Haha, did you hear that, Assassin!? She's begging me for help now! Good, good! It feels like we're eleven years in the past! The pressure of being denied by the world itself must surely be painful, Sakura! But endure it. Your body can endure it. Remember all the days of pain and solitude over the last eleven years! For what did you bear the thousands of tortures!? What did you give your body to the tens of thousands of worms for!? That's right; pain of that degree is nothing to you! That's how I raised you! That's how I trained you!"

"………" It seems the old magus can hear the girl's voice. Assassin can only hear groans, but she must literally be begging for her life, begging for help.

"Yes, I will help you! You are my masterpiece! I shall see it through! But I can only save your body. Your mind did not follow me through the eleven years of training. You escaped the pain by accepting it, so you should not be able to bear that resentment. But you can rest assured, as I will guarantee the strength of your flesh! You can bear it! Your flesh shall put on Avenger!"

The old magus continues to laugh. Assassin looks at him emotionlessly and steps back.

"Hm? Where are you going, Assassin? There is a slight possibility of danger. I need you here to protect me from her." "…I do not mind, but why are you concerned about the black Holy Grail and not the white? Why are you letting the legitimate Holy Grail we obtained roam freely?" "Oh, that. Ilyasviel is cooperative. She exists only to open the gate, as is her duty. She does not mind what we do as long as her goal is achieved."

"………" "Do not be so doubtful. The Holy Grail you desire is that girl. Keeping your name in history and becoming the original. Your wish to be eternal through record will be granted by Einzbern. But I need her to keep her original form. Homunculi are outside my expertise. You can let her be until they prepare her formal dress."

"………So you will not force them, you say? But――――do we have such liberty?" "Of course we do. We have no more enemies. It was unexpected that Emiya's boy and Tohsaka's girl were alive, but they aren't important. Nobody is foolish enough to fight after being shown that much difference in power."

"We cannot take it back if we rush things out of needless worry and allow Ilyasviel to die. It is her role to open heaven's gate. We shall show compassion and let her carry out her duty――――Assassin?" "―――Stop. It seems there is someone that foolish." "――――Hm?"

At that instant, the white skull disappears. Assassin sensed the intruders and hurried out of the castle without hesitation. The enemies are already running outside. They have slipped through the unwary magus's guard and are about to exit the castle gate.

"――――Oh. So you are determined to die, boy?" But he hasn't been careless. Ilyasviel cannot run away. Einzbern's longstanding desire is in her core. The white girl will help him even if he doesn't force her. It's foolish to run away with such a girl. Even if they escape the forest with her, she will come to the land of the Holy Grail, the land of the origin.

"Hah. I have left her alone, but it cannot be helped now. ―――It is your turn, Sakura. You cannot be saved without Ilyasviel. If you would like to be freed from that pain, go trample upon them without mercy." With a loud laugh, the presence of the old magus recedes.

…A shadow is cowering in the hall. The shadow that shrouds the entire hall has become a black swamp, from which two dark figures emerge.

"…………………"

The girl no longer feels agony. It's not that she's accustomed to the poison now. It's merely that… "…………I see. You came, Senpai……"

…Pleasure has surpassed her dark pain.

"…So that priest's with him. How stupid of him. He came to be eaten?" She raises a finger. To the direction of the castle gate. The direction the trespassers have gone, where they are running even now.

"Go. You can kill anyone but Senpai. Kill anyone else, no matter who they may be."

The black giant is released. The unleashed hound roars and disappears with a sudden gust.

"But then―――you won't be able to tell who that is, though, Berserker."

She smiles. Slowly, she leaves the kingdom of rubble with the black swordsman.

End of Interlude

We emerge into a clearing. An empty, circular space within the vast forest. The castle I saw through Ilya's eyes is standing there, just like I remembered.

There's no one around. It's strange that there's no watch anywhere, but I can't back out even if this is a trap.

"Kotomine. Can we get up to the second floor from that tree?" Even if they don't know we're here, it'll be suicidal to go in from the front door. It might be useless, but I have to do everything I can.

"…Right. If we wish to sneak in, we should use an unused waterway, but they aren't the sort to fall for such time-consuming methods. They will notice our intrusion once we enter the castle. I would like to go directly to where Ilyasviel is held captive and escape immediately, but――――"

The priest looks up at the castle, pondering. …He narrows his eyes as if trying to look through the wall, staring at each window in turn.

"―――What a surprise. It seems they really do think lightly of us, Emiya." A happy voice. "What?" I've never heard this tone from him before, so I doubt my ears for a second.

"W-What, Kotomine? Did you find something?" "I did. ―――Let me ask. Do you have experience in mountain climbing, Emiya Shirou?"

"…………Don't tell me…" "I mean free climbing, of course. It is vertical, but there is no overhang and there are enough holds. We can maintain a secure footing. It will be easy to climb this wall without tools. Compared to a wall of ice, this is like walking down the street." "Wai――――" Kotomine puts his hand on the wall before I can stop him.

"Wha――――" He presses himself against the wall and climbs up. He's going slow, but I see how stable he is.

"What are you doing? If you cannot find the points, copy me. You should not be so weak that four stories are too much for you. ―――Oh, and leave the Black Key. We can pick it up on the way out." The priest continues to climb as he speaks.

"―――He's serious." I throw down the sword and get on the wall. …He must have picked an easy section to climb. The rocks are pretty rough, so I can manage to get ahold of them.

You don't just use your strength to climb up. Knowing if the next hold is safe, knowing if the small hold can support your weight, knowing if there's another hold after you move… A vertical climb is like a puzzle of improvisation. Even if the goal is a meter away, you have to go back down and try a new route if you can't find the next hold.

A route to the destination. The technique of thinking two or three steps ahead only comes with experience. That's experience I lack, so I have to copy exactly what Kotomine does. I'll instantly fall if I miss the target by a few centimeters or grip the handle with the wrong force.

"――――I can't believe it. You let an amateur do something like this?" I grumble as I climb up. …Well, it's ridiculous, but it's not totally reckless. Normally, one climbs like this near the top of a mountain.

The wall isn't the only thing a climber fights against. Just as the deep sea is a sanctuary that humans cannot violate, high places are also a sacred place.

There's not enough oxygen above the altitude of six thousand meters, and untrained people cannot stay there for more than a few hours. Nausea, dizziness, brain edema from lack of oxygen, and finally, death. This is a hell that gets worse the higher you go.

And intense cold. Your bare skin would freeze, and even a slight scratch would turn into necrosis. Climbing is done in such extreme environments. Compared to that, merely climbing a wall is hardly impossible.

"――――But still――――" …It's still hard. I can only use the tips of my fingers. I have to put my weight there and support my body using a small foothold. I can't keep up with him unless I've trained every inch of my body…!

"Hm…? Hold on, she moved. I thought it was above, but it's actually below us. Emiya, go down to the third floor window and go inside." "Hey―――are you crazy?!" I'm not a spider, so I can't do such a thing――――

"Kotomine, there's a window…! How can I go inside!?" "I don't care, break through it." "…! You fraud, if it was going to be like this…" It would've been so much easier if we'd just gone inside using that tree――――!

"……!" I jump into the castle. I break the window and jump in using the same motion. I grab the wall with both hands, swing my body at the window, and kick my way in.

"Ha――――ah……!" I roll across the expensive-looking carpet. My body was falling when I swung my legs. If I'd kicked out a bit later, I would've hit the wall and landed back-first on the ground.

"Damn, I'd die if I fell on my head from the third floor…" It's dangerous to kick into a window and roll while scattering glass shards, but it's no worse than expected. "……Shirou?" ―――The instant I raise my head… All trifling matters escape my mind.

"――――Ilya." I forget I'm in enemy territory. I recall what happened in the yard. Ilya told me goodbye with a false smile.

"――――Unbelievable. Why did you come, Shirou? There's nothing you can do now. Are you going to waste your effort again?" A cold voice. Ilya puts on a cold face.

"――――――――" I'm used to it. I'm used to seeing that face on her, but…

"You still don't understand? You can leave Sakura to me. This is my duty, so you can just go home and…" "Idiot. Don't say dealing with the aftermath is your duty." I slap her across the cheek, unable to forgive her.

"Wha―――― H-How dare you…! It's not like a gentleman to slap a lady's cheek! I-I won't forgive you if you do such a thing to me!" "It's me that won't forgive you, you idiot…! I'd be punching you if you were a guy, you bad girl…!"

I yell back at her. I'm happy to be able to see her, but I'm really angry.

"W-What!? I didn't do anything to make you mad! I went with Sakura to fulfill my role! It was the best decision I could make, so you don't have the right to complain――――"

"Shut up, I don't care about that…! Look, I don't know about your role. I just came to bring back a bad girl who ran away selfishly. I won't be tricked, no matter how much you bluff and pretend you're all right. I'm going to take you home as long as you don't want to be here…!"

"Wha―――― W-Who's bluffing!? I'm not hating it. This body is made to be a Holy Grail. I don't like becoming the key for them, but if I can use the power of the Holy Grail, Sakura will…"

"That's called a bluff, you idiot! ……Look, I don't care about the Holy Grail. Ilya is Ilya. If you want to stay as yourself, just ignore all of this. Don't sacrifice your life for someone else…!"

"――――――――" She looks away. She bites her lip and… "That goes for you too, Shirou―――――――" …Murmurs something I can't hear.

"…Fine. Let's say I don't like this whole thing. What about it? We can't beat Sakura nor run away from her. It's impossible to get me out of the castle. That's why Zouken's letting me roam freely. He'll overlook you for now, but you won't make it out of the forest if you're with me."

Her red eyes reject me, telling me to go back. I――――

#votestaynight

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the-firebird69 · 1 year ago

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Amazon.com: HHH New 250 TAOTAO TBR7 ON Road Highway 229CC Motorcycle Scooter Gas Moped Adults Street Motor Enduro Bike - Blue : Automotive

I don't have to be brief I do understand the audience is out of patience

-this motorcycle has 17 horsepower and 22 torque

-it's sufficient for a lot of people they'll get you going about 80 or 90 miles an hour if you weigh 220 lb

-does dealerships in Texas that have parts on hand for high wear replacements that you always have to replace and you can get those in a day and there's local repair shops even here that do any motorcycle and you just have to look around a little

-you stated a couple things and the clones went nuts it's real they're threatening below and he can't hear it you get mad at me all the time this is why don't we just mess them up we have all the stuff we're supposed to be the balls and everything to everyone and we have to prove it instead of me sitting here in a pile of sweat and he's right he's ruining my reputation and he said that and he wrote he's starting to ruin mine is there a child is telling me to do it and I understand why it's helping me this is a great motorcycle you people are at the end of your rope but we don't care this others who are going to pick it up and start attacking them even Max need this bike to fight this evil person that people say we started up and it's our plan Max says people say mac has as a plan it's not really as much of a plan as you think it's turned into an absolute nightmare it really is what it is now. We need to get gain control over it and this is one way to do it they'll be fighting over the stuff and we'll see how it goes and we're asking Our Father Uriel and goddess wife to track these like they're his own and they're in the factory making them so it's their responsibility now Japan couldn't do it and you can talk to them but what you have to do. You don't want the clothes to have these or I'll be able to suffer but mostly the clones go after them that's what these can be used for and he's thanking me he's apologizing for raising his voice but it is making me do the job and we're sending units down to wipe that stupid son of a big child and his dumb smile

I have a lot of other things to say about the bike it really meets the specifications of today's Enduro it can carry weight to and from the stores it can carry two people a lot of people are very happy with these all over the world and a lot of people is not a lot of money have read these for many years so please if you feel like you need one for transportation get one our son and Ken are down on it because they're all threatening them Non-Stop and you have to be very careful riding them on the road but these guys are harassed by every person that goes by them Non-Stop it's a different story but motorcycles can be dangerous and you write them in a certain time but if you need to go to work and there's no other way to do it you have to do it you have to do there's nothing that's cheap except our cars and we can't get them out to you

Thor Freya

We do have ideas on what to do but this is what we have right now this is my design it works great we're going to publish but I wish you a lot of fun it's off road it was great it was a lot of fun till I hit my foot and you did sort of hear it and he stopped and he checked me and he said it's fine I'll have to figure out what to do and we couldn't figure it out it's a different story and I start getting mad too but Thor Freya are leaders they're under a lot of pressure we need to help them right now

Hera

We're doing so and he's really getting short okay these clones are idiots they're making them stay short and they want to threaten him with it they're repugnant and these idiots are idiots too doing it they're not threatening anything they're just bothering this s*** out of people getting killed good the spike is terrific and we recommended it

Olympus

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raewritesfiction · 2 years ago

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Morning Commute (Bill Skarsgard as Roman Godfrey) -Reupload-

A/N: my first Roman Godfrey fic… hmmm Plot: a morning commute on a packed train with standing room only….. Pairing: Roman Godfrey X Reader Warnings: Smut. Public sexual acts.

--- --- ---

I huff and stand at the platform waiting with Roman who remains silent.

He has a car and if he really wanted I’m pretty sure a chauffeur to take him and me wherever we wanted to go but oh no, this little diva has suddenly decided we’re going to work via the busiest train.

Roman hated public transport.

He had planned something; there was no other explanation for it.

I yawn a little as the train slows to a stop and he takes me by the arm leading me into the middle car which quickly fills to standing room only. I'm stood chest to chest with Roman and I raise an eyebrow. He just smirks and waits for the train to get moving.

After a few moments he licks his lips and runs a hand through his hair, that same hand then moving down between us.

“What the…?”

Roman leans his head down so his lips were against my ear “Ssh, lean against me.”

I blink and lean my head against his shoulder like I had done many times before. Nobody took any notice, at least that's how it seemed, and it was just as well when I felt his long fingers slide my panties aside and trace over me.

I let out a small gasp and bite my lip. Bastard.

“Roman…!” I whisper and try to remain composed as they tease over my folds. I shuffle my stiletto-clad feet a little and give him better access.

“Don't draw attention to us.” His eyes are stern and he holds my gaze while circling my clit. “Nobody will take notice of two early morning commuters leaning on each other…”

I nod a little and fake a yawn against him, his fingers slipping into me easily; the train sways and slows to a stop pushing his fingers deeper into me. I keep what noise I make for his ears only and grip his long coat, his hand hidden by my own.

Roman moves his fingers quickly inside me, the heel of his hand against my clit as the train starts moving again. Barely anyone had moved out from the carriage and I was silently very glad for that; he had been right, nobody takes notice of two tired commuters regardless of who one of them is.

That or they're so used to his antics that nothing surprises them anymore.

I whimper against his neck and pant quietly “oh god…”

I hear him chuckle low and then he kisses my temple lightly; Even when he was being a kinky fuck he could show those little signs of tenderness that made my knees weak.

“How close…?” he whispers.

“Very… don't stop, please Roman you've been teasing me all week…”

His smirks gives nothing away. Either he was going to stop and leave me hanging or I was going to be a quivering mess on the train; at this point I wasn't sure which I preferred the idea of.

I didn’t get much chance to think about it as I have to bury my face into his shoulder and hide my pleasure. I’m lucky his free arm was wrapped around me holding me up.

He nuzzles me and slowly movies my panties back into place, removing his fingers and bringing them to my lips “clean them…” he whispers.

I nod and do so, swirling my tongue over them and making sure to get every drop of myself.

“Good girl…”

The doors open and Roman motions it's our stop.

#bill skarsgård #bill skarsgard #roman godfrey #imagines

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voxmortuus · 3 years ago

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Tonight, I Make You Mine

PAIRING: Creature!Ateez Park Seonghwa x F!Reader

UNIVERSE: Fantasy AU

WORDS: 3.4k

SUMMARY/PROMPT: It marks one year of a relationship with Seonghwa and he has a plan, a romantic plan, he wants to make you his in more than one way, he wants to show you what he is, he wants you to want him for all he was and he couldn't hide what he is to you anymore, and the way he shows you what he is, is a moment you will never forget in your life. In the end, you vow to spend the rest of your life with him.

NOTE: This is my first time writing anything like this. Please be kind to me, and I will absolutely take constructive criticism. I'm sorry if this is horrible! Also, there are links to some things such as outfits and the scent of the women's cologne and one other special surprise at the end.

IMAGE CREDIT: Google I DO NOT CLAIM OWNERSHIP OF THESE IMAGES. If these are yours or you know who the creator(s) is please INBOX me and let me know. Thank you.

My Masterlist | Taglist

REQUESTS: OPEN

You never thought it would happen, falling for Seonghwa like this, but honestly, it was easy. He cherished every moment with you, he loved you to the moon and back, and at times you questioned if he just settled. You never wanted to keep him from what would make him happy. He did well for himself. He knew what he wanted in his life, and here you were questioning Seonghwa. With a loaded breath, you sat there looking at your phone when you see the date. Today was the day, a special day he told you to get ready for. Licking your lips, you push yourself off the couch and walk to your room.

You opt for a cute dark blue daisy printed summer dress, and you put your hair up with loose curls. You decide to go with soft makeup and his favorite, Jo Malone, Wood Sage & Sea Salt Cologne/Perfume. A coastal aroma that will transport the wearer to the shore, with sea salt that's infused with wood sage and a bit of citrus to create a unique fragrance that you can’t quite put your finger on at times. The opening is oceanic with sea salt but is given a typical aquatic partner with the grapefruit. It is so fresh and abyssal but dries down with a bit of sweetness and light woody undertones. Let's not forget the sage, which is a part of the opening but comes into its own later. He loved that scent on you, one of his favorites, and you make sure you keep stocked on it. It was one of the many things that attracted him to you.

Looking at your phone, you let out a small breath, and you begin pacing your shoes echoed in your home against your wood floors. You were anticipating him being here, and you were nervous. Today marked one year you had been with him, and tonight was a special night. Tonight was a night that you had been waiting for. A night he had been preparing you for, for what felt like a long time. He had it all planned, and you were anxious. It was almost like you were on edge. You had no clue how to respond to most things, and this was something you didn't expect at all. You were used to life throwing you curve balls, and today was going to be no different.

You look at the time and make your way outside; you just couldn't wait any longer. You had been pacing your living room for hours. When you got out there, you got there just in time to see Seonghwa pull up, so it was good timing. Making your way down the steps, you stand there as he gets out of the car. Looking over him, you bite your lip, your hand fidgets with your dress, he wore a black suit, and he looked so handsome, so perfect. You smile as he greets you with a kiss on your cheek. Smiling sweetly, again, you kiss him back and watch as he extends his hand to open the car door.

"Thank you Seonghwa." He smirks, nodding his head, and makes his way around to get in on his side.

Your nerves are getting the better of you. Seonghwa reaches over and places his hand on your thigh; looking over, you smile at him. You couldn't take the quiet anymore. You bite your lip and look over his profile and smile, god he was handsome, and there was just something about him you can't quite put your finger on.

"Seonghwa, where are we going?" You inquire.

"It's a surprise, Love." He smirks, and you bite your lip.

"But I don't do well with surprises." You give him a hopeful look that maybe he'll tell you.

He only chuckles, shaking his head, "No love, I'm sorry."

You give a tiny pout and fidget with your skirt while his hand grips your thigh a little tighter, almost telling you to not fidget. Your hands stop fidgeting, and he lets out a small chuckle; you look over at him and tilt your head and watch him a moment. He gives a side smirk and takes a turn. You weren't paying attention to really anything around you, so when he pulled into the parking lot, you looked around, and it was empty. Looking at the building, you smiled and got excited!

"The aquarium!? I've been wanting to go for so long! I'm so excited!"

"Well, I've been paying attention, and I just felt like this was the right place, that and I've got it so it's all ours for the night."

"Seonghwa! This is so... this is... perfect." You lean over and plant a kiss on his lips.

With a chuckle, he leaned into the kiss, and you both got out of the car. Locking it behind him, he places his keys in his pocket and takes your hand. Your heart sputters a bit like it always does. Walking beside him, it was like he towered over you. Walking to the entrance, he smiled and grabbed his keys from his pocket- he held the key in his hand a moment before finding the key to the door and unlocking it. You look at him in awe; you two really were the only ones here.

Walking in, he locks the door behind him after letting you in. Looking at you, he smirks. "Where do we go first?"

"Oh, Seonghwa, I have no idea. I want to see everything."

"Ok," He chuckles, "How about you follow me." He takes your hand and leads you down one of the dark hallways.

Looking around, you enter a tunnel of water, looking above at the blue above, you smile. It was so pretty, so calming. Your hand touches the glass as you step to it, seeing a school of fish in the distance and a shark above. Your heart pounds. You look at him and grin wide. You were like a child in a candy store, and you couldn't wait to see more.

As you two walk deeper into the building, you're in awe by what you see, the colors, the vibrance of it all. Seonghwa chuckles, letting go of your hand, watching you. He slips his hands into his pants pockets and tilts his head, watching you. His heart flutters watching you, the enjoyment he got from this was something he thought he would never find. Seonghwa was always the kind to seclude himself, isolate, and turn a blind eye to the things around him, and here you were, opening his eyes to everything around him. Because of you, he has come out of his shell, and if it wasn't for you, he would never want to explore. Because of you, he explores more. But tonight was special.

Getting to the middle of the building, he looks around and smiles at you. You turn around and notice a blanket in the middle under the dome of water. He smiles and looks at you.

"Y/N, there is something I want to ask you, something I want, and need. Something I want to show you."

You nod your head looking over his face. A little nervous you let out a soft breath.

"I've found who I am with you, I've found myself with you, Y/N. If it wasn't for you, I'd likely be in my house dwelling the day. I want to spend my life with you, Y/N. I want to love you and be with you every day. If you'd have me of course." He looks over your face.

Tilting your head, you step to him and place your hand on his chest and look over his face and give a smile and you look deep into his eyes. "Of course I will, Seonghwa."

"You may second guess, I'm not like other people, Y/N." He tells you.

"So? You understand me and I understand you."

"I don't think you understand. I'm different."

"Show me." You tell him looking deep into his eyes.

He looks you deep in the eyes and licks his lip. He wraps his left arm around you tightly. He lets out a soft breath and you feel this warm, wet, sticky thing wrap around your leg, you go to look down, but with his right hand, he takes your chin and keeps your eyes on him. The way it moves around your leg, feeling it inch, crawl, the suction you look over his face, and your eyes grow wide as it wraps around your thigh, inching its way up, stopping just before it gets to your sex. You let out a soft breath, feeling one on the other leg, but he keeps his hand on your chin, and you look deep into his eyes.

"I told you, I'm not like others..."

"What are you? What is this, that? What is on me?"

"Do you trust me, Y/N?"

"Yes, more than anything Seonghwa, but tell me what is this?"

"This is me... this is what I am. Do you want more?"

Without even questioning, you nod your head and look over his face. "I love you, nothing can change that Seonghwa." you whisper.

He looks over your face and kisses you deeply as the tentacles wrap around your leg tighter and slide up your leg a little further, one begins to play with your clit while the other runs itself along your lower lips. Biting your lower lip you let out a shaky breath and rest your head against his chin. "Tonight, I make you mine." He whispered tilting your head up and kisses you deeply. You return the kiss, deepening it, gripping at his coat lapels, and moan against his lips as the suction of one of the tentacle cups your clit and works at it almost as if it is sucking on your clit, the other tentacle gets excited about your wetness and starts to toy with the entrance of your sex.

You feel another tentacle making its way between your legs. Your lips against his your hands gripping his jacket, his arm wrapped around your waist and another around your throat holding you close you now have 4 tentacles between your legs, one toying with your clit, two massaging either side of your sex, and one playing with the wet entrance. Your hips move slightly. "Please... make me yours." you whisper against his lips.

A tentacle comes up slithering up your spine up the back of your dress and he looks over your face, and strips you of your dress, laying it on the floor next to you, the blanket beneath you both, surrounded by pillows, he looks over you, licking his lips he steps back a bit, watching as the tentacle wraps around you a couple times with another to make you sturdy, one slithers up your spine to the base of your neck, you look at him, watching them protrude from him, such beauty in such an odd way, the color, the pink, the purple, the blues and yellows, something so amazing. You watch him and look over his face. You hold out your hand, while one is wrapped around you under your breasts reaches over and slowly wraps around your arms, inching to your palm and places itself in your palm. You let out a small chuckle and look back at him, nodding your head.

The two tentacles that are wrapped around you lean you back, the two that are wrapped around your legs lift you off the ground. Your breathing picks up but you being to relax. You have 2 more tentacles reaching out to wrap around your arms while the others that are wrapped around you cup your breasts and begin to flick at your nipples, wrapping around them until they are hard and begin to play with them, while the tentacle playing with your wetness enters into you. You let out a gasp as it begins to inch into you further, you feel the way it squirms inside you, feeling the suction cups rub against you causing you to shiver and moan softly. Whimpering as the tentacle against your clit becomes more rigorous in its motions.

The two massaging the sides of your sex decide to join the one inside and they twirl together and plunge into you, moving in and out stretching you and massaging against your walls, the suction cups adding extra texture. You let out a soft moan, as he watches you, his cock hardens a little more, feeling the excitement. The hardness of himself restricts in his pants. He lets out a soft groan feeling what the tentacles are feeling which only excites him even more.

As the tentacles work your sex, penetrating as far as they felt they could go, stopping at your cervix you let out a heavy moan and ball your hands into fists. The tentacles work their ways, squirming inside you in and out the suctions gripping at your wetness as you moan louder they move faster.

"Oh Seonghwa, faster, please." You beg.

As you beg your breathing grows faster and he grows harder, he removes himself from his pants, grips his cock in his hand and begins to stroke himself. He lets out a soft moan licking his lower lip taking it into his mouth biting at it a bit. You watch him and you moan louder.

"Fuck." you whimper. The tentacles work faster pumping into you harder and faster. Your breasts being squeezed by the others and the others that are wrapped around you wraps a little harder while they spread your limbs a little further. Seonghwa steps closer to you and the tentacles lay you on the blanket and rest your head on the pillows, the tentacles work your body, playing with your senses as one wraps around your neck, he kneels in front of you and two tentacles remove themselves from your sex they wrap around your legs and the one that was left inside you removes itself and starts playing with your back hole.

Biting your lip you look over him as he strokes his cock faster, hovering in front of you as he kneels, your hips rise, almost encouraging him to enter you, he tilts his head and smiles, kneeling down he looks over you and he shoves his cock deep inside you, your hips buckle your back arches and at the same time, he plunges into you the tentacle playing at your back hole shoves itself into you at the same time, penetrating you to a whole other level. You let out a loud moan of pleasure.

With a loud moan of desire escaping his lips, his lips smash against yours while the tentacles play with your breasts, the others pulsate around your limbs, the other pumping in and out of your arse, and him pumping in and out of your sex you are in a state of euphoria, you're unable to collect your thoughts, your breathing picks up and you're close to a climax but you want all of the pleasure he can offer you.

"Good god, you feel so good, Seonghwa, your cock feels perfect, you're perfect. I'm all yours. My fuck I'm all yours!" You scream.

"All. Mine." He grunts as he feels himself close to a climax. Holding you tightly with his tentacles, he has one come up and wrap around your neck, gripping you as it pulsates and squirms almost massaging your throat as both he and his tentacle pump faster into you.

Moaning, you look over his face. "Harder... Please." you beg.

As he is happy to oblige to your request, he drives his cock and tentacle harder and deeper into you. Letting out a heavy moan you arch your back into him. Dripping with your own juices he feels them gush around his cock as he slams into you, feeling how wet you are the way you massage his cock with your walls he closes his eyes and takes a nipple into his mouth as his tentacle grips your throat tighter as they pump harder into you, your breathing and moans pick up faster, judging the volume and the speed and frequency of your moans he, himself grows closer to a climax.

"I want to feel you cum... so do they." He growls against your breast. Without questioning two tentacles enter you along with his thick hard cock. You let out a loud moan feeling yourself being stretched and you grip at the blanket. The tentacles wrapped around your arms hold your arms above your head and you let out a pleasurable scream. Without a second guess, another tentacle enters your back hole along with the other and you scream again. Your body shakes and quivers in pure pleasure. "Cum for us, Y/N!" He demands.

Without even a shadow of a doubt, your body releases all of what it could, shaking. Feeling you soak him and the tentacles, he lets out a heavy groan, gripping at your hips tightly, surely leaving bruises as he releases himself inside, you, pumping further. He didn't stop, nor did the tentacles. As they worked with him, the one around your throat started to massage a bit and he kept pumping, harder, faster, wanting another. "Again." He demands. Hovering over your lips, wanting to feel your breath, your body shook and gave another climax. He pulled himself from you and reached down watching the tentacles fuck you he stroked his soaking wet dripping cock.

The faster they moved the more they squirmed inside you the more you orgasmed, the harder he stroked. When your body started to shake you were unable to think straight, he hovered over you and the tentacle that was around your throat pulled your head up and you opened your mouth and he places his cock in your mouth as you begin to take him into your mouth. He grips your hair at the top of your head and fucks your mouth. Within a few moments he explodes in your mouth, like the good girl you are, you swallow every drop of him.

Slowly the tentacles pull from you, receding back to him, hiding, you look over his face as he kneels over you putting himself away, looking down at you. You bite your lip and you move in a way to stand in front of him, you pull his head to your stomach and hold him close.

"Seonghwa, I vow to you, right here, under the fish above, I am yours, I will have all of you, forever, for always. As long as you have me."

He looks up at you, standing, he leans over, and grabs your dress, sliding it back onto you, and smiles. "Forever, for always." He reached into the pocket of his suit coat and looks over your face and smiles, he wanted to wait. You smile taking his hand, looking around heading down another tunnel and you spot some octopi and smile wide. He stops and looks at you, getting down on one knee he looks up at you.

"Y/N, you've seen all of me, you've seen what I am, felt what I am, and didn't run, you've taken me for all I am, and now, I kneel here, before you, with one question. I vow to you, to be honest, to be true, and to be yours like you have done for me. Y/N I have one question... Marry me?" He looks over your face almost in the horror of being rejected.

You hear him, and you listen to what he says, your eyes close, your throat feels heavy, you let out a soft breath and turn around, "Seonghwa, of course, I will." You wrap your arms around him and hold him close. "I would be honored."

Not saying a word he pulls from you and places the ring on your finger, a special ring with a red cognac and black diamond with a tentacle band, special for you both. Smiling you admire it a moment and hug him again. Taking his hand he looks at your legs and chuckles watching his mess drip down your legs, licking his lips he smiles.

"How about we go back to my place, and you and I take a bath... and see where the night takes us from there." He chuckles.

Eagerly nodding your head, he picks you up and carries you back to the car forgetting about the blankets and pillows in the middle figuring he'd grab them tomorrow, he makes his way to the car and you two are off to his home.

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the-goddess-of-mischief-writing · 3 years ago

Text

New York High Rise {3}

Series summary; What does Steve think of what just happened? Well, not only will his next client get to know but also a dear friend of the mob boss.

Pairing: mob!Steve x mob!reader

Rating: Mature

CHAPTER NO/ONESHOT: Chapter 3/5

Word; 6.2k

Warnings; canon type violence, death, anything you could expect from a mafia!au

Author; @the-goddess-of-mischief-writing

A/N: I just want to warn anyone, this chapter revolve around Steve and contains graphic scenes so if anyone feel like they may get triggered, I have now warned you. If you choose to read anyways it is YOUR choice.

SERIES MASTERLIST

Steve was fuming. He could practically feel the steam rising from the top of his head. This time, compared to earlier, it wasn't because of the feverish warmth inside the club. Nor the sunny season's air outside. It was because of the folder resting on the table.

The Canine boss could still hear the echoing slap the orderly stacked papers had done when landing on the table. Even your words reverberated in his head like an annoying tune he couldn't help but mutely sing in his mind.

This was not how he'd thought this meeting would go.

Steve had planned to get his will through, to expand his empire from Brooklyn to the most successful part of New York, Manhattan, your territory. But no. You'd decided to be as stubborn as a mule and as stuck up as the bureaucrats that he needed to handle in exclusive deals.

Now he understood why so many said your empire wasn't the usual kind, rather something new. You'd built your syndicate from the best, or worst in regard of how the Canine for the moment saw you, of two worlds.

"Bitch", you were long gone, so the growled curse aimed at you went unheard. However, the walls around Steve caught the profanity he uttered whilst snagging the folder from the table and pursued to head out of the room.

Only the guards stationed outside the corridor leading to the conference room was still in the club. Yet, the Canine boss paid them no mind as he stalked out of the private area, making them scramble to follow him. The rest of his party, even those previously undercover, must have either retreated for the night or waited outside. Concerning how Steve himself hadn't left yet, he suspected at least his most trusted team was waiting by the car.

Passing through the lobby, the mob boss frightened some of the staff lingering about. Not only thanks to the authority he always carried himself with but also his visible darkened features. However, Steve's attention didn't stray to the people following him with wary eyes. Instead, he looked straight forward, focusing on his guards where they lounged around the black Chrysler he'd arrived with a few hours earlier.

Seemingly, they had enough of an engaging conversation that they shared some laughs. But that changed the moment Steve stepped through the door a bouncer held open for him.

Usually, the Canine boss' hard exterior dissolved somewhat among his men, seeing how they'd become good comrades. Although now, when the dark-blonde man came out of the club looking like he could kill someone, their easy smiles and carefree stance immediately smartened up. Backs straightened and jaws clenched upon seeing the fury Steve not only emitted with a scowl but his whole body.

"How did it go?" One of the guards questioned, more out of courtesy than curiosity, concerning it was clear how it went. As suspected, he got nothing more than a glare from Steve, seeing how his anger hadn't flickered out the slightest, only heightened when feeling how his fingers clutched the folder in his hand even tighter. Your folder with your contract.

"Where's Barnes?" Some flinched by his bark of a question.

"He's still inside...", the rest of the answer fell on deaf ears as the blonde rounded the car, not caring too much where his head bodyguard was for the moment, only that he would hurry up to finish whatever he dealt with.

"As soon as he's back, we go", the driver, who had noticed the Canine boss and stepped out of the vehicle to hold open the door for him, didn't even get the chance to do what he intended. Steve all but tore open the backseat door and climbed into the car. Leaving the chauffeur to stand there and look at his boss in perplexity, as the Canine didn't more than touch the black leather seat before he slammed the door shut again.

That Steven had a temper everyone in his vicinity knew. But how he now acted reached not only a new level but contrasted heavily to how you'd appeared.

You'd left about ten minutes ago, looking indifferent to how everyone in Steven's patrol had seen you when first entering the designated conference room. That guard of yours had led you to the car parked mere ten feet from their own boss'. There, your chauffeur had greeted you with a smile and a few quiet words none besides you were meant to hear. Neither was your response, that likewise was accompanied with a smile, able to be distinguished.

As you stepped into your transport, none of the men trying to read your expressions noted anything more than a similar politeness Steve could show them once in their company. However, when comparing it to the state of their own boss once he exited, it was clear that the meeting didn't favour the Canine boss, but rather the Feline. And though none who had accompanied Steven knew what the two of you'd discussed concerning the meeting had been a closed-door discussion, they knew their boss hadn't brought anything with him earlier. So when spotting the portfolio that the mob boss had held in his hand, it only sealed the deal further.

That was why none of the guards nor the chauffeur intruded on the solitude Steve had sought inside the car, merely waiting for the right-hand man of the Canine boss to return so they could head to their next stop.

And it was good none did either, seeing how Steve mulled over everything that had happened with curses leaving him every five seconds. Additionally, anyone who would've opened the opposite backseat door would have got your folder smack in the forehead, seeing how the blonde man had thrown it as harshly and as far away from himself that he could, once in his own confinement.

He didn't need to hold the damned contract you'd offered him, even less open and study it, to know he would read it in your annoying voice. And that aggravated Steve even more.

It annoyed him that your voice echoed as a constant reminder in his mind. It annoyed him that you'd prepared a contract, which so obviously cried you hadn't even come here to listen to him in the first place. It annoyed him to such a fucking degree that you'd played him by a mere act of forced courtesy rather than a gentlemen move, to use your own words, that it felt like he could just tear the contract to shreds.

Still, he didn't.

The blonde man seethed, turning his head to look at the folder. 'If you don't sign it and have it delivered to me, I know you've declined my offer and this war will be ended in another way.' He knew you were serious about that, so perhaps that was why he hadn't left it behind in the conference room. Nonetheless, it had taken a great effort for Steve to push away every ounce of pride in his body to grab ahold of it. And when he finally held the stiff cartoon folder, it had almost felt like it burned him like some crucifix. No, it burned like a sign of defeat.

Joseph Rogers would never have done it, never admitted when he was defeated.

At the thought of his father, Steve's hand fisted where it rested on the armrest dividing the two seats in the back of the car. What would he say? He probably wouldn't have said anything, just walked out as you had done to him. A vibration deep in his chest made a low sound leave him at the realisation you actually played the game his father always had and Steve himself only thought he had.

Fittingly, or unfittingly in his own mind, the door connected to the other seat opened with a click to interrupt the abusive thoughts of his father.

Although pulled out of his mind, Steve didn't glance to see whoever plucked the folder occupying the seat beside him before they climbed in themselves. There was only one person that first and foremost would dare to be in his presence right now. On top of that, also knew he was the only one who didn't need to repeatedly ask for permission to join him.

Not even when he saw the person shift in his peripheral, from simply holding the folder to actually waving it slightly to catch his attention, clearly wanting to ask him a question, did Steve look towards them. Although, he did speak up.

"Not a word, Barnes", the Canine boss raised his fist, so it was levelled with his cheek as he said this. By now, his nails had dug into his palm and there was no question small crescent moons would be dented in his skin.

"Maybe I should've stayed, after all", the sentence was followed by a chuckle, the sound making Steve snap to watch the man sitting beside him.

"Didn't I say you should keep your mouth shut?" The blonde stared at the brunette. Who, unlike earlier, now had pulled his hair into a low bun in the nape of his neck. However, no matter the fury the Canine's cold blue eyes conveyed, Bucky Barnes saw no real threat.

"You often do, but you have so far not put a bullet in me", Bucky shrugged with an easy smile.

The mob boss remained silent as his head bodyguard leaned forwards far enough to knock on the wall beside the still open windshield that could separate the driver from those in the back seat.

"Close it up", Steve honestly thought the brunette would've given the chauffeur, who now had taken his place behind the wheel, directions of where to go. Gauging by his act, he must have done it before getting into the car. Hence, the driver did nothing but nod to signify he heard what the guard said before closing the visor, leaving whatever Steve knew Bucky wanted to talk to him about for only him to hear.

He felt the car rock to a gentle start, the road underneath the vehicle sending small vibrations throughout Steve. Tilting his head, he saw the scenery blur as he didn't concentrate on anything specific they drow by.

Despite the initial silence of the car ride, the blonde saw how the man beside him shifted, angling his body just slightly more his way. The minimal change of where Bucky attention laid told the mob boss he would initiate a conversation. And as on a cue, Bucky spoke. "So what happened? 'Cause clearly you scared half of your squad enough for them to want to take a week off".

He didn't redirect his gaze, fearing that his now fisted hand would connect with his friend's jaw if he didn't control himself. What happened? The question taunted in his mind, enough so that Steve clenched his jaw. Everything that shouldn't have happened.

"You have the folder", he gritted out, continuing to aimlessly stare out of the window, now concentrating on how the scenery changed from the narrow streets the nightclub had been located in to instead manifest the glittering sunset reflecting off the water in East River.

Beside him, he felt how Bucky shifted and shortly afterwards came the sounds of papers starting to be turned over. The head guard sat silent as he read the contract that not even the Canine had looked through.

The lack of verbal confirmation of Steve's evident loss in this meeting spurred the blonde, whether he wanted or not, to glance at the brunette.

Bucky's brows were furrowed. Consequently causing the grooves on his forehead, which always appeared when he pondered something, to become extremely visible. His features remained this way as his eyes scanned over the rows stitching together the contract. Then, for some reason, they changed.

From an expression showing the brunette tried to fathom the situation that had made Steve considerably harsher to anyone in his close vicinity, his face now fell and a smirk began to toy with his lips. On top of this, he let out a low whistle turning to the next page.

The smouldering anger in Steve's chest flared up to the same intensity it had burned with earlier. Back when he had sat in silence and glared at the folder inside the club. He ground his teeth together, feeling how they caught in each other's pointy edges.

"What?" He demanded to know what the man all of a sudden found so entertaining. Yet, the answer didn't come immediately. Instead, Bucky sat there with the same expression pinning his face while finishing the document in his grip.

Not until the brunette had closed the binder and waved it similarly to how he'd done when entering the car did his gaze meet Steve's. His eyes, also blue but slightly greyer in colour, was crinkled in the corners. The amusement, or whatever caused the mob boss nostrils to flare in agitation, was only further displayed by the shake of his head.

"She's good".

"What?" Bucky almost hadn't finished his nearly wordless reply before Steve barked his requirement of an explanation.

"Whether you want to admit it aloud or not, I know you think about it in that analysing brain of yours", the brunette begun, pushing the folder underneath the mob boss' arm on the armrest. Steve, who followed the act with disdain, shuffled in his seat directly afterwards so he wouldn't be touching the contract which you formerly had been carrying around.

Watching the blonde's action, Bucky only continued, now even less worried his words might be wrong and evoke further anger from the Canine. Of course, he might still get mad, though Bucky knew he at least was right. "She is good, Steve. If not shown by this contract, which I suggest you read, then at least how she's gotten to you".

The blonde man elected to ignore the last part of his bodyguard's sentence. Hence, only questioning the first part. "Why should I read it?"

Arrogance was a trait many shared once someone stepped on their pride, but never had Bucky witnessed such amounts of it exhibited by the Canine boss. His nose twitched in the corner as if the mere thought of opening the papers offended him. The mistrust in his voice showed he didn't believe what just was advised to him, nor that the words of you being competent could be true. All signs of denial, a damaged pride.

"Sometimes I wondered how you even could've come this far to rebuild your father's empire when you're so stubborn to see the truth at times", the comment made Steve cock his head.

"Is that a threat or a call for resignation, I hear?" Bucky simply rolled his eyes and turned to fully face the man, now giving him his undivided attention.

"I may have been here from the day you called me and asked me to join your plans, but believe me, working outside this world for some time, especially in the field I was in, you learn to see who is good at their job and not".

Although Bucky had known Steve ever since they were kids, essentially because their fathers had been partners when the Canine empire was worth more than its own power in gold, the two had fallen out of the regular touch they'd kept after Joseph had passed. Steve had remained close to his mother. While Bucky returned to have both his feet in the ordinary world.

His name had never been brought into the discussion of conviction or any kind of youth crimes, essentially thanks to his father never being proven guilty of the few charges raised against him. Another favour his old man thanked the former Canine boss for. For Bucky, it made things easy to find live his life as if he didn't know what went on underneath the city he walked in.

He went to school, took a degree in law. Which his father before passing as well, considered humorous. Though, Bucky didn't start working directly even if offered jobs. He'd been young and not really knowing which direction he would go. He had no mothers footsteps to follow, seeing how she'd passed before he even had a memory of her. His father shoes still felt too big to fill, so he decided to follow a path he felt natural.

Bucky joined the army. Not more than a few years and two trips. Nevertheless, it was easy pocket change concerning two factors. His father had urged him to take the same martial art classes as Steve's father had done to him. He'd also lived with one foot in the syndicate and the other outside during his whole childhood. The concept of order, planning and warfare wasn't anything alarmingly new to him.

Then he'd begun to explore more, starting to step into the low tier position as an intern at different firms. It was easy to get in, concerning his degree and quickly, he gained enough working experience to get a promotion. His former boss at the advocate company may have thought Bucky was a natural talent or a genius from school. But, it was all thanks to his upbringing he possed the requirements a higher position demanded.

It's mainly thanks to his years working within the judiciary before reconnecting with Steve and began working as his head guard Bucky knows you fall into the group of people who are good at what you do.

The blonde had sat silent this whole time, never breaking away from Bucky's stare. It made the brunette believe that his friend would settle whatever resent he had towards you personally and at least read through the arrangement you assembled for the greater of his empire. Apparently, he was wrong.

"But now you're not working with that anymore", Bucky actually let out a low scoff of annoyance.

"I'm working as a head personal guard for someone I'm swaying on keeping alive at the moment, I know. And I do this because we both know I'm better at the combat part than you, ever since we were kids", despite the jab, it was the mention of how the man, despite being roughly the same size as Steve, always had been slightly better at fighting then himself that made the blonde bite his inner cheek. "I also know that I'm still damn good at what used to be my former profession. Which, you actually also should know concerning you never shoo me out of the room when discussing with your official advisors of the plans to come", when he finally ended the point he wanted to prove, he cocked a brow at Steve, who now had furrowed his brows.

Bucky saw the ire still lingering in the blondes' eyes, making them go cold rather than warm. Nevertheless, he said nothing. The Canine boss simply gave the folder, which hadn't moved from its settlement no matter how much the two men gently had rocked with the turns of the car, one last glare before he altogether turned away as much as his seat let him.

The head bodyguard was close to letting the comment of how similar the mob boss, who'd made a name for himself lately of being indifferent to everything standing in his way, was to a rebellious child. Yet, in the end, he didn't, knowing the car ride would become even more atrocious than it already was set to be.

As suspected, the whole drive from the club to the luxurious hotel, where the Canine boss' next stop was, went by in complete silence. And, when they finally pulled up outside the building, the car had almost not stopped before Steve opened the door without a word. The brunette couldn't but let out a huff and follow the man out of the vehicle.

As Bucky tracked a few steps behind the blonde mob boss, he nodded to a few of the other bodyguards to follow as well. Whatever he might have remarked about considering to keep Steve alive was very much said as a dig at the moment to remind the man he might be written as his subordinate, but he was true to nature working side by side with him. After all, Steven was his friend and Bucky didn't desire to get his blood on his hands.

When the little party of Canines neared the entrance, both men stationed on each side of the doors opened them without further ado. Either they thought Steve looked like someone fitting to live here, or they could've been paid to do so. The brunette figured it was the latter concerning the overall safety measures, not only this hotel but the district in general upheld. Although, he didn't question it way too much as he now concentrated on the slightly denser crowd of people in the lobby.

Not only did they blend in quite well, concerning the people living at this hotel was flanked by at least two bodyguards each. Bucky also noticed how some of the former rigidity in Steve's shoulder lessened as he weaved through the lobby.

Though anyone else may find it excellent that the physical aspect of the blondes former irritation trickled off, it unsettled Bucky even further. Thus, having grown up with Steve, he knew that the silent seething anger was worse than the outgoing one. This, in other words, didn't bode particularly well.

However, even though the brunette had a raising suspicion, along with fear, that this visit the mob boss had decided to do after his meeting with you wouldn't have a good outcome, he had no chance to voice his worry. Essentially because the elevator they'd taken to reach the floor they were heading to now stopped.

Bucky was first to exit the elevator. Checking that the coast was clear before looking back to the Canine boss. He tried making the blonde meet his gaze, now seriously doubting if Steve was fit to meet the partner he'd had an escalating problem with the past weeks. Yet, the blue-eyed man kept his attention straight forward and didn't even spare his childhood friend a glance.

A thousand things were running through Steve's mind as he headed down the corridor, spotting the door his business partner was on the other side of.

He knew Bucky tried gaining his attention with the repetitive looks he threw his way. His most entrusted bodyguard and friend could read him like an open book. Thus knowing the silent facade that he'd put up was just that, a facade. Still, he continued to ignore him as he'd done ever since their conversation was over half an hour ago.

As the party stopped before the door, Steve decided to give the inclining nod to one of his other guards to step forwards and knock on the door.

Following three rapid knocks, a call of 'no cleaning' followed by a similar set of knockings later, footsteps could be heard near the door from the other side. A few seconds after, the door swung open, revealing a man currently trying to fasten his cufflinks.

"I said I didn't...". Even though the brunette's eyes had been cast down as he'd began to speak, the second they flickered up to watch, what the man must have assumed would be a hotel maid but rather was the Canine mob boss, he trailed off in his sentence.

"Good day Mr Jefferson", if the man's body hadn't already gone rigid, his shoulders bounced up even closer to his ears after Steve's greeting.

In a hurried attempt to smarten up, he completed his attempt of fastening the jewellery pin.

"Mr Rogers", he breathed out almost shakily while pulling a hand through his hair, some of the strands sticking to his scalp while others simply fell forwards once more. "Why do I owe the pleasure?"

Without answering, Steve stepped forwards, forcing the man to open the door wider.

As he walked into the pad, the blonde gazed around it uninterestingly. It was lavish. Probably like most rooms were in the hotel.

"I'm here to talk with you". Steve answered his associates question the second he heard the door closed. Taking the liberty, he sat down in the couch group occupying a vaster portion of the entry room's space. "Sit", with a wave of his hand, the Canine motioned to the sitting place at the other side of the dark oak table.

Jefferson, who glanced warily at the guards that had stationed themselves around the room -one by the window, another two directly behind Steve and the last lingering by the door out to the corridor- had no other choice than to follow the mob boss' directions.

Sitting down at the edge of the seat, he swallowed around the lump in his throat.

"How's business going?" The mob boss asked as he leaned against the couches backrest. One arm was slung over the ridge, fingers tapping against the material, while his other hand rested on his thigh.

"Bussines is going well".

"Good, always nice to hear companies you invest in are going strong", Steve hummed, noticing the minimal shift Jefferson did as he said this. "How's my money going?"

"Ah... t-that question is a little more complicated...".

Even though the brunette continued to ramble about all the different reasons his payments were late, or not even that, non-existing, the Canine boss didn't listen. He knew he was being screwed over by the man opposite him. He'd gotten the information weeks ago that the CEO of the company he's worked with since the beginning of the year wanted to change sides.

At first, it had been more of a rumour and he hadn't been able to dig up where Jefferson's company was heading. Then it became clear they would switch partners to one of the other godfather's around New York. However, even if Steve thought he didn't like how they tried doing so in the shadows while still upholding their deal, the worst thing was when he got to know who they shifted their alliance to. You.

Seeing how much unfavourable publicity you'd given his empire in the last few months was aggravating. However, listening to the man talking his ear off as if Steve hadn't already figured why exactly fifteen percentages of the profit capital was rolling into your account instead of his was the last drop.

Without even noticing it himself, Steve's hand that had rested upon his thigh raised and were tucked into his suit.

The metal handle he gripped wasn't cold anymore, not after having rested so close to his heart for over an hour. Nor did it get cooled down as he hastily pulled it out of its holster and aimed it at the man opposite him.

"I don't like rats, Landon", the use of the man's first name rather than surname would've made him quiet if the gun aimed his way already hadn't silenced him. "Pray you don't get reborn as one in your next life as well".

On the firearm, a silencer was mounted. So the characteristic bang sounded much more like a pop. Therefore, the noise of the gun was even less intimidating than the ricochet. However, neither of the telltale signs of a shot made Steve flinch, not even as he watched the bullet penetrate the space in-between his former associate's eyes, did he react.

As the mob boss stood, Jefferson's upper body slumped forward, hitting the table with a heavy thud and ugly clap as his head was the first thing that connected with it. No tears were trickling down his cheeks. Only a red streak that steadily created a near-invisible puddle on the mahogany table.

"Steve!" The silence and peace Steve found in watching the body was cut short by Bucky's voice.

The Canine glanced to his side, regarding how his head bodyguard rounded the couch and stood before him with one single step.

"What the fuck was that?" The brunette exclaimed, hand motioning to the dead body.

If any other person than Bucky would've done the same thing in this instance, they either would've ended up joining peaceful Mr Jefferson, or they wouldn't work within the Canine empire anymore. However, concerning that it now was his childhood friend staring at him in disbelief, Steve made sure none of the options was carried through.

"Problem-solving", Steve answered, about to take a step forwards but were stopped with a hand planting itself on his chest. He looked down before looking up with a cocked eyebrow.

"That ain't how we solve shit!"

"Not we, but I", Steve said, gripping Bucky's wrist, ripping it away from him. "You see, now both our problems are solved. He doesn't need to fear his cover being blown and I don't need to lose more money". That was all Steve said before taking a step around the brunette, whose eyes had narrowed considerably.

As most of his colleagues trailed after their boss, Bucky stayed back just a second longer, looking at the lifeless body giving a new sheen to the table whilst staining the carpet underneath. He'd known Steve had taken your conference badly and he also knew it hadn't been a good idea to have this appointment so shortly afterwards, especially when it was connected to you, but in such a different way. Still, he hadn't believed it would take this much of a turn.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

"Damn that fucking thing!" Steve roared, not thinking when he swept his hands over his desk. Everything from pencils, an empty coffee cup and other things crashed to the floor. However, it wasn’t solely that which now was littering the ground. The papers of your contract had flown out of the folder as well.

Staring down at the mess of shattered glass and paper from his standing position. The Canine boss felt a sneer enter his features. Ever since returning home late last night, he'd been locked inside his study. Primary because it was the place no one dared to disturb him in, but also because he didn't feel like arguing with Bucky.

He knew that after the stunt, as he knew his friend and bodyguard would label his approach to the Jefferson problem, the brunette wanted to speak with him. Yet, with the residue anger of not only a restless night, one Steve had powered through thanks to copious amounts of coffee. But also the subject now taunting him on the floor, a conversation with his right-hand man would lead nowhere.

He and Bucky didn't often get into fights, but Steve was convinced this was one of the matters that could force such a confrontation. He'd still not gathered his bearings enough to admit that he needed to yield. Because that was what he would need to do.

The mob boss switched from watching the scattered pieces of the contract to instead stare straight into the oaken surface of his desk as he now leant on it, knuckles turning white from how strongly he held the countertop. By now, he'd read through the four-page agreement. Something that was a step in the right, or in Steve's regard wrong, direction.

He didn't want to admit it. But as Bucky had mentioned yesterday, it was a top-certified contract. He couldn't find any loopholes. No grey-zones. No area that he could play you on.

Steve knew that you would be hard to crack, but he hadn't anticipated this.

Despite knowing that you and the Felina empire had overtaken his father's grip on New York, he had underestimated you. A woman running the empire you did was so uncommon he thought you would have some weak spot regarding how you had no one else to look up to. Nor did you have any previous family connections to the underworld. Which honestly made your success even more astonishing.

Almost so much it was questionable if you had done it yourself.

Steve had assumed you hadn't. Someone else must be the brain behind the operation, simply using you as a puppet. However, it seemed he'd made a tremendous mistake by assuming just that. It wasn't anyone else running your empire. You were involved in every little part of the well-oiled machine.

Once more, the canine boss let out an irritated noise, sounding more like a growl than a harsh sigh in his own ears.

He pushed off from the countertop and, in one motion, had side-stepped his chair. Now, with the room behind him, Steve stared out of the windows lining the wall furthest from the entrance. His arms had crossed over his chest and remained there as he stared out at the bay not far away.

Ferries and other boats travelled the waters. Breaking the tension and creating small waves. If it wasn't for this, it almost would've looked like they travelled through the city. Regarding how not only New York's but also Brooklyn's dusk lightning reflected in the water.

When the Canine boss finally felt the sight before him lessened the tension in his shoulders, a knock came from the door.

If his features ever had lightened, the sound immediately beckoned a furrow to take its place. Even more so when the door opened without him having given the person on the other side permission.

He knew who it was, Bucky.

"What do you want?" Steve's voice was cold, harsh.

"I want to speak with you", instantly, the mob boss noticed how his friend's voice didn't carry that joyous tone when he spoke to him as just that, friends. Bur rather the more levelled one, the professional one.

"I won't speak about Jefferson".

"Neither is that why I'm here", glancing over his shoulder upon hearing the rustle of paper, the Canine boss saw his guard pick up the pieces of the contract from the floor. He arranged them before putting them back into the folder. Contrary to how Steve would've caused the map to give away a whack when flinging it onto his desk. Bucky's hand followed through the whole movement. His fingers even resting upon the grey folder as it laid placid on the middle of the counter.

"I'm here to talk about the real problem", Steve turned to face the brunette. He didn't say anything. Still, Bucky knew that having gotten this much attention was a sign he either was about to be shot or given a limited amount to talk.

"I know this is hard for you, Steve... actually scratch that, it is hard for everyone who's supported you. But I'll be damned if you let everything we've worked for go to waste because you don't have it in you to lose a battle in favour of winning a later war"

All of a sudden, Bucky's face twisted as an unexpected crash echoed. His fist had smashed onto the table. Enough for the countertop to rattle.

“I love to give you the most personal advice I've ever had”, he started, not even holding back his pent up frustration. “Sign that fucking contract, pal". The canine boss' blue eyes narrowed as he met the stormy grey ones of the man before him.

"Get out", Bucky clenched his jaw and straightened himself.

"I'll be waiting for the call to come and pick it up", was the last thing the brunette said before swiftly turning on his heel and heading to the door.

Steve followed his oldest friend with his eyes until the door echoes shut behind him. Even after Bucky's footsteps were long gone, did the Canine boss stare forward. He did it simply because he didn't want to let his eyes flicker down to the contract, now turned to the last page where the paper waited for his signature.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

A day later, Steve still stared at the folder resting un-signed on his desk. It was out of pure spite he hadn't signed it. To keep your victory at bay.

Two days later and he felt how the clock on his wall ticked louder than before. How the voices in his head escalated from whispering to shouting at him. 'Sign that fucking contract, pal.'

Three days later and Steve felt how time was running out.

Even if he didn't want to admit it aloud. To not sign would be foolish. Sure, he had the resources to continue this war. Hence, the short extra time the meeting and his delay in signing the contract had abled him to recoup. But still, his empire was lacking a significant piece his father's syndicate had, time. He needed more time to grow but wasn't given that. So yes, he could continue this battle, but he could not win it.

Therefore the mob boss gripped the pen and pressed the ink dipped tip to the dotted line.

His signature was darker than usual. More colour bleeding onto the paper. The curves of the letters were not as smooth as regular either. Instead, straighter, pointier. Forced.

Steve didn't look at his name shining back at him once he raised the pen and put it back in its stand. Instead, Steve stood and dialled a number on his phone. One tone was all it took before the person on the other end picked up.

"Get it out of my sight, Barnes", was all he said before instantly hanging up. The call had lasted four seconds. Even so, Steve deleted it from the history of his 'latest' list.

Shoving the phone into his pockets, the blonde man stood from his chair and headed to the office doors. He didn't look back once at the folder left behind on his desk. Not even when he closed the doors behind him.

Series taglist: @njrronaldo7 @fanfic-love-show @gabycamargo22 @fckdeusername

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witch-hazels-musings · 3 years ago

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Hello, hello!! It's me again!! Here to interrupt your feed with yet another of my random genshin thought of the day! Recently, on one of Zach's (Aether's VA) streams with Poonam (Klee's VA), one of the viewers mentioned something about Klee driving a mini-car affectionately titled the 'dodocar'. This got the gears in my head turning, and I started thinking about the different modes of transport each character would use. These are some scenarios my brain came up with!! I wanted to send them your way because you always have the loveliest ideas, and wanted to know if you had any more thoughts on the matter! As such, Miss Hazel, today I present to you my offering of Genshin boys as different modes of transport! 💕

- 🔎

Diluc would drive a car. No question about this. I've always imagined him to have a sleek, modern-looking car that's maybe a little bit on the pricier side, but not completely outrageous by any means. The man doesn't really seem like the type who would want to show off his wealth, but he also can't deny that he has an eye for much of the finer things in life.

You watch as Diluc mans the car, watching the rolling hills flash by the window. There's something uniquely intoxicating about sitting in a car with someone else for hours on end. It makes you want to open up to them, makes you want to share stories which you perhaps wouldn't have wanted to share otherwise, much like a drunkard who's had one glass too many and is now blabbering on about their whole life story. Ah, but then again, perhaps this is only so because the two of you were drunk on something else entirely? You didn't know the answer to that question, but as you watched the way his sunset-eyes crinkled with mirth at your terrible, terrible Michael Jackson impression, you think you were okay with never knowing the answer to that question so long as the two of you could stay in this moment forever, just as you were.

Albedo doesn't strike me as the kind of guy who would really enjoy driving. Instead, I think his preferred mode of transport would be cycling! He wakes up much earlier every morning because he insists on cycling to work instead of driving. Albedo seems like a very practical sort of fellow. Sure, cycling is more time consuming, but it's efficient, more environmentally friendly, and overall better for his health. That makes it a win in his book.

On the weekends though, especially as the weather starts to get warmer and the air is filled with the welcomed promise of spring, Albedo would often take you out for dates in the park on a special tandem-bike. The two of you would cycle around for a while just watching the flowers bloom and the greenery come back to life, before stopping for a quick picnic lunch underneath a grand magnolia tree. You laugh as you move to wipe the little bit of cream from the cake you two just devoured which is still stuck on his upper lip. It's a sweet, saccharine kind of love, one that reminds you of fresh morning-dew and hopeful new beginnings.

Over the summer, you found out that Childe has somehow managed to get his grubby little hands on a jet ski. Uh-oh. He says he wants you to ride it with him. He's saying please. He's giving you the puppy-dog eyes. You cannot say no to that face. You do not know where he got it from or even when he learned how to use a jet ski, but really don't think this is a good idea. Come on, you cannot look at this man and try to convince me that he is not an absolute speed demon. One moment he's showing off cool tricks on the jet-ski and then the next moment he's- oh JESUS CHRIST CHILDE SLOW THE FUCK DOWN, SOMEONE'S GONNA FALL!!

Thankfully, he's a skilled enough driver that everything went relatively smoothly. This time, at least. As he stops the vehicle to give you that dopey little grin and make sure you're still alive, you take a moment to playfully hit him on the shoulder for making your heart race a million miles an hour. He only laughs. Still, it was exhilirating. And you would never admit it to his face, but he does look kind of cool showing off tricks on the water. Maybe this wasn't such a terrible idea after all.

Kaeya is a proud owner of a motorcycle. Specfically, he owns one of those lovely old-school 1980's Honda motorcycles. The people living in your neighbourhood almost went mad the moment they saw him pull up at your door with, complete with dark sunglasses and a leather jacket. You thought he looked rather stupid. Still, you were glad that he brought his bike with him. It made it easier to traverse the city traffic and get to your destination quicker. Kaeya takes you out on a ride to one of his favourite destinations for a midnight snack: a night market, filled with rows and rows of stalls selling piping hot food. You hop from stall to stall, sharing the food and tasting everything the market has to offer together before heading back with a full heart and a full stomach.

There's a sense of youthful freedom that comes with taking late-night rides with your beau like this. Your arms around his waist, the wind billowing past your face, the moonlight reflecting the stars in his eyes... It makes you feel young again, makes you feel as though you were seventeen once more, discovering the thrills of love for the very first time. You've missed this. You've missed him. Sighing contentedly against his shoulder, you silently watch the blinking city lights fade in and out of view as you drive through the city that never sleeps.

Zhongli... Has no vehicle of his own. He's broke, your honour. Sorry Zhongli, I don't make the rules here. Thankfully, he lives in a city with a great public transport system, so he has no issues getting around if he needs to. The lack of personal vehicles also means he gets to spend more time walking with you, an activity which he has grown to really enjoy, so I suppose there is a silver lining after all. The two of you often work rather late, so the streets were usually barren by the time you leave the office. You and Zhongli would often walk to the train station together after your shifts have ended, basking in the stillness of the night and the almost alien glow of fluorescent lights.

He loves chatting with you during these walks. He would ask you questions about your day, about your work, about plans for the weekend. Sometimes he would point out the different types of plants and rocks he noticed on your walk to the station. In the train, the two of you would sit silently together, content to just enjoy each other's presence. Sometimes, on particularly rough days, you find yourself falling asleep on his shoulder while waiting for your destination. He finds this incredibly endearing, and would always take it as a cue to give you a quick peck on the cheek before tucking you closer to his side.

Sometime later, you two are awoken by the train staff. The both of you had fallen asleep on the train and had missed your stop. Whoops.

i love these!

I really vibe with the Albedo one too - he’s very practical and pretty frugal, waste isn’t something he seems to enjoy creating so everything eco-friendly would be his go to ( we can be eco-friendly together my dear )

lol Zhongli!

plus you made these cute little interactions T.T adorable to the max!!

#hazelmail #🔎 anon #🔎 works #genshin impact #transportation headcanons #hazeldigsthis

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